Hello, Everybody.
It's been awhile since I last posted on CSTH. About 2 years. A lot of things have happened since late 2014. Some of it good, Most of it bad, a lot of it just as fucking crazy as you would expect. I'm not gonna recap a ton of it, but today we start off fresh and new.
Hell is back and hotter than ever.
There will be a couple of changes with the resurrection, for starters, There won't be much talk about Sports at all. Any sports stuff that is mentioned will be related to something within another topic (Teaser for a future post, I will discuss the morons who feel that Women shouldn't be talking sports, and why I highly disagree). But don't expect to see any kind of stats or analytical breakdowns, because I do enough of that during work hours (please do check out my Sports stuff at www.sportsmemo.com and axsmithsports.com)
Another change to expect will be more reviews of different things, like Bars & Restaurants in the Twin Cities area, as well as Music, Movie & Television reviews. Since I don't get to talk about Pop Culture stuff much during the day, this will be more of an outlet for those kind of fun topics.
Lastly, one promise that I will make to all of you that view this blog, it will have the same heartfelt, uncensored, and thought-provoking commentary that all of you so dearly loved years ago. If it sucks, y'all can tell me and I'll take this thing out back and put it out of it's misery.
Cheers, Folks. Nice to be back here on the baseline.
And remember, Keep your genitals out of harm's way.
aX
One More Note: I will leave the old articles up for those of you who have never seen this blog before. Some posts have been taken down. You weren't missing much from those.
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
February 10, 2016
July 13, 2013
The Reason Why I Retired From Music.
This Morning, I read a transcript and subsequently watched a YouTube video of Kanye West's Freestyle in London http://news.rapgenius.com/Kanye-west-london-speech-lyrics (YouTube video is on the top right hand corner of the page) and it just solidified, not only the state of the music world, but the reason I had to leave it.
I'm not necessarily on his side about the feelings he has for the topics he mentions. He's upset about how the art form of music has been overran by the mass corporate world. I realised that I am part of the problem when it comes to the change of music. I went to McNally Smith College of Music, a place where about 98% of the students and 110% of the faculty are completely dedicated to not just the sound, but the sanctity of Music. They have a inner devotion to their craft but also the way the craft is formed. And personally, I couldn't be any further away than that.
Don't get me wrong. I want to do the best work I possibly can as a performer (Which is what I always call myself, Rarely did I say that I'm a musician, because I truly never and still don't feel that way)
I picked up a bass as a child to impress a girl. In failing miserably, I decided to get better and better because I felt this was an easy way to have people take notice of you. Over time, playing music was a release from all of the anger and depression I faced growing up and I felt that, after practicing and becoming a really good bass player, I could make a (fairly easy) living at this.
Once I got to Minnesota, I met a bunch of musicians who I thought I shared the same dream with:
My Dreams
1: Get Rich
2: Get Laid
3: Basically Do Whatever I Feel Like Because I'm Famous
I was wrong.
Their Dreams (actual quotes I overheard at school)
1: Get to play music for the rest of their lives and not go broke
2: Get a degree, solidifying to people how much they know about Music
3. Earning the respect of their peers within the industry
After 3 months of being yelled at and ridiculed for not following the mold of every sucker who will be in massive debt when they finish running the maze, I left. And that day my Music career started. I joined a couple of projects, played some shows. and then 3 years later, it's the beginning of 2013. I just left the most successful thing I had ever been a part of in my life at that point and It hit me that I didn't want to find my dream in music anymore.
I didn't mind the business part of music, In fact I loved it. I knew that was the way to strike it rich and I was full on into "Selling Out" myself. My old band was not about that. They wanted to make it big and get paid as well, but they cared about the music first and foremost. And on top of it all is that I was finally happy in life and so I didn't need the escape of music like I did a decade ago. I could manage my ups and downs without playing my bass for 8 straight hours.
So when I listened to Kanye's Speech/Freestyle, It just reminded me of why I needed to leave Music and why I don't regret making this move for a second. I am so happy now working with my first and true loves, Sports and Gambling, so I am not complaining. But I am writing this because I know a lot of people ask me, "Are you still playing?" "Why did you leave and give it up?" So I wanted to put some closure to that.
I'm not necessarily on his side about the feelings he has for the topics he mentions. He's upset about how the art form of music has been overran by the mass corporate world. I realised that I am part of the problem when it comes to the change of music. I went to McNally Smith College of Music, a place where about 98% of the students and 110% of the faculty are completely dedicated to not just the sound, but the sanctity of Music. They have a inner devotion to their craft but also the way the craft is formed. And personally, I couldn't be any further away than that.
Don't get me wrong. I want to do the best work I possibly can as a performer (Which is what I always call myself, Rarely did I say that I'm a musician, because I truly never and still don't feel that way)
I picked up a bass as a child to impress a girl. In failing miserably, I decided to get better and better because I felt this was an easy way to have people take notice of you. Over time, playing music was a release from all of the anger and depression I faced growing up and I felt that, after practicing and becoming a really good bass player, I could make a (fairly easy) living at this.
Once I got to Minnesota, I met a bunch of musicians who I thought I shared the same dream with:
My Dreams
1: Get Rich
2: Get Laid
3: Basically Do Whatever I Feel Like Because I'm Famous
I was wrong.
Their Dreams (actual quotes I overheard at school)
1: Get to play music for the rest of their lives and not go broke
2: Get a degree, solidifying to people how much they know about Music
3. Earning the respect of their peers within the industry
After 3 months of being yelled at and ridiculed for not following the mold of every sucker who will be in massive debt when they finish running the maze, I left. And that day my Music career started. I joined a couple of projects, played some shows. and then 3 years later, it's the beginning of 2013. I just left the most successful thing I had ever been a part of in my life at that point and It hit me that I didn't want to find my dream in music anymore.
I didn't mind the business part of music, In fact I loved it. I knew that was the way to strike it rich and I was full on into "Selling Out" myself. My old band was not about that. They wanted to make it big and get paid as well, but they cared about the music first and foremost. And on top of it all is that I was finally happy in life and so I didn't need the escape of music like I did a decade ago. I could manage my ups and downs without playing my bass for 8 straight hours.
So when I listened to Kanye's Speech/Freestyle, It just reminded me of why I needed to leave Music and why I don't regret making this move for a second. I am so happy now working with my first and true loves, Sports and Gambling, so I am not complaining. But I am writing this because I know a lot of people ask me, "Are you still playing?" "Why did you leave and give it up?" So I wanted to put some closure to that.
April 7, 2013
Pushed it too far: A Tale of an Attempted "Cockblock"
So Friday was quite the awesome day. Had sushi for lunch, Performed in a recital where everyone sounded awesome, Had a ton of fun at the mall and had a great barbeque dinner. And then I did something that I said on here just last year I was gonna stop doing. Go to a house party.
Now this party was fine for the first hour, Great music, tons of booze, solid conversation. I was really enjoying myself. Then this random chick (I've met her before a while back but even I couldn't remember her name) approached me about a Yoga trick to crack your back. Normally, I would walk away and pour another drink, But since I had aggrevated my back about an hour before the party, I accepted the challenge. So Here I am, laying on this floor while this girl is popping my back. A few of my friends want to leave out and so one of them taps me and says that we are leaving, asking if I want to come along. My friend who is a girl, who is there with her boyfriend says quite loudly, "Why is she touching you? we should go now!" At this point, the rage hit me full steam ahead, but with the circumstances and the fact that I was raised well, I told her I'll meet them over there later. Yoga girl overhears this and says "I think your girl is mad at me." I swiftly reply that she is Not my girl and I thanked her for the adjustment.
Now, 20 minutes later, I meet my friend at her place, where most of the party moved and I was welcomed to some cat-call responses of "oooh, did you bang her?" kinda shit. Funny in a slight way, but 1: It was dumb because Yoga girl had a boyfriend, who was there and I was chatting with minutes before this happened. and 2: Now I am completely furious because if she had assumed that this chick was trying to sleep with me then why in the holy fuck would you try to cockblock me by saying some bitch shit like You shouldn't have her touch you. That was not her place and I let her know that (In still a pretty tactful way, I didn't cuss her out like I wanted to)
I have seen my lady friends flirt and hit on some guys I felt weren't right for them or just even slightly sketchy, and unless I felt they were in extreme immediate danger, I would Never go in and cockblock someone for my own selfish thoughts. So for anyone to ever reach in and stop something that I as a grown ass man can make a decision on, angers me to no end. This might seem blown out in proportion, but with the knowledge I have about the said party who felt the need to interfere, it was not only embarassing but utterly uncalled for.
Now this party was fine for the first hour, Great music, tons of booze, solid conversation. I was really enjoying myself. Then this random chick (I've met her before a while back but even I couldn't remember her name) approached me about a Yoga trick to crack your back. Normally, I would walk away and pour another drink, But since I had aggrevated my back about an hour before the party, I accepted the challenge. So Here I am, laying on this floor while this girl is popping my back. A few of my friends want to leave out and so one of them taps me and says that we are leaving, asking if I want to come along. My friend who is a girl, who is there with her boyfriend says quite loudly, "Why is she touching you? we should go now!" At this point, the rage hit me full steam ahead, but with the circumstances and the fact that I was raised well, I told her I'll meet them over there later. Yoga girl overhears this and says "I think your girl is mad at me." I swiftly reply that she is Not my girl and I thanked her for the adjustment.
Now, 20 minutes later, I meet my friend at her place, where most of the party moved and I was welcomed to some cat-call responses of "oooh, did you bang her?" kinda shit. Funny in a slight way, but 1: It was dumb because Yoga girl had a boyfriend, who was there and I was chatting with minutes before this happened. and 2: Now I am completely furious because if she had assumed that this chick was trying to sleep with me then why in the holy fuck would you try to cockblock me by saying some bitch shit like You shouldn't have her touch you. That was not her place and I let her know that (In still a pretty tactful way, I didn't cuss her out like I wanted to)
I have seen my lady friends flirt and hit on some guys I felt weren't right for them or just even slightly sketchy, and unless I felt they were in extreme immediate danger, I would Never go in and cockblock someone for my own selfish thoughts. So for anyone to ever reach in and stop something that I as a grown ass man can make a decision on, angers me to no end. This might seem blown out in proportion, but with the knowledge I have about the said party who felt the need to interfere, it was not only embarassing but utterly uncalled for.
March 29, 2013
Boycotting Wild Tymes
I can't even wait until morning to write this up right now. I just got home from seeing some of my best friends in tears of anger and disgust over today's news. 2 friends were Wrongfully Fired from Wild Tymes Bar in Saint Paul, Minnesota over an accusation of stolen money from a couple of weeks ago. What makes this a ridiculous termination is the fact that the two accused Made a ton of money that night, and because their head manager decide to mix up money from an outdoor sales point with the bucket that was tip money from that busy night because she wanted to drink and socialise like the rest of us on St. Pat's Day. And for the record, I can personally vouch for both of them as people of great character and integrity to the point where I would trust them with my bank and betting accounts, and I mean that with all the breath in my body. Another factor as to why this firing is both unjust and asinine is because they have been led by a faulty and incompetent Head Manager who can't even figure out how the bottles behind her bar are layed out. As one of their top patrons within the last several years (And I have the fucking credit card and bank statements to back that up) One should never hear dozens and dozens of complaints from staff about how things aren't being taken care of or how you aren't able to do simple tasks around your place of work, let alone lead a hard working staff of dedicated people to make money. I have brought in countless patrons and spread the word about this bar for the 5 years I have lived in St. Paul, and mark my words to death, on the grave of my resting and living family,I Will Never Appear At Wild Tymes Bar & Grill, I Will Never Promote Wild Tymes Bar & Grill
I ADVISE EVERY SINGLE PERSON, EITHER LIVING IN MINNESOTA OR TRAVELING INTO MINNESOTA TO NEVER, EVER, EVER DRINK OR EAT AT WILD TYMES BAR & GRILL!!!
and as far as Musicians on your poorly run shit fucking stage and never paying artists
I ADVISE EVERY SINGLE MUSICIAN IN THE COUNTRY TO NEVER, EVER, EVER PERFORM AT WILD TYMES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
My Former Band brought 300 people into the patio and booths of that establishment, and all that "I, Corvinus" ever got for that show was under 50 bucks and an overcooked pizza. The last project I performed with was "Banned" from playing there because Sandy felt "Threatened" by local street artist Tony Criss. The reason for this sentiment was because she was upset that he was cleared by neighboring bar Great Waters (A fine establishment located at 426 Saint Peter St, Fine craft beers if you like that sort of thing, I suggest you check them out next time you're Downtown or going to a Minnesota Wild game) had given him the OK to play at their patio. She responded by calling in a complaint to the police.
I would like to say in conclusion, that I am grateful for the amazing bartenders and servers I have met while drinking there and that I hope to see all of you guys and gals on a regular basis at different places of work and bars to socialize. And to you, Miss Manager (You know who the Fuck you are) and the ownership/management responsible for this unjust termination of the two best workers you had on staff, I hope that the future vacancies tagged along will run you right into the fucking toilet. And have fun training new staff in the middle of a potential Minnesota Wild playoff run. Your incompetence will rub off and your establishment will crumble faster than the snowpile outside of 7th Place in the Spring.
HERE IS A LIST OF ACCEPTABLE BARS THAT PEOPLE SHOULD PATRONIZE IN DOWNTOWN SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA:
Amsterdam Bar & Hall (WONDERFUL PLACE TO HEAR & PERFORM MUSIC)
6 West 6th Street
612-285-3112
www.amsterdambarandhall.com
Alary's Bar (GREAT DRINK SPECIALS & SHUTTLE FOR WILD GAMES)
139 7th Street East
651-224-7717
www.alarys.com
Bullpen Sports Saloon (AWESOME DRINK SPECIALS & VERY NICE STAGE)
395 North Robert St
651-340-0583
www.bullpensportssaloon.com
Bulldog Lowertown (EXCELLENT TAP SELECTION AND GREAT FOOD)
237 East 6th Street
651-221-0750
www.thebulldoglowertown.com
Great Waters Brewery (FINE CRAFT BREWERY AND SOLID FOOD)
426 Saint Peter Street
651-224-2739
www.greatwatersbc.com
I ADVISE EVERY SINGLE PERSON, EITHER LIVING IN MINNESOTA OR TRAVELING INTO MINNESOTA TO NEVER, EVER, EVER DRINK OR EAT AT WILD TYMES BAR & GRILL!!!
and as far as Musicians on your poorly run shit fucking stage and never paying artists
I ADVISE EVERY SINGLE MUSICIAN IN THE COUNTRY TO NEVER, EVER, EVER PERFORM AT WILD TYMES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
My Former Band brought 300 people into the patio and booths of that establishment, and all that "I, Corvinus" ever got for that show was under 50 bucks and an overcooked pizza. The last project I performed with was "Banned" from playing there because Sandy felt "Threatened" by local street artist Tony Criss. The reason for this sentiment was because she was upset that he was cleared by neighboring bar Great Waters (A fine establishment located at 426 Saint Peter St, Fine craft beers if you like that sort of thing, I suggest you check them out next time you're Downtown or going to a Minnesota Wild game) had given him the OK to play at their patio. She responded by calling in a complaint to the police.
I would like to say in conclusion, that I am grateful for the amazing bartenders and servers I have met while drinking there and that I hope to see all of you guys and gals on a regular basis at different places of work and bars to socialize. And to you, Miss Manager (You know who the Fuck you are) and the ownership/management responsible for this unjust termination of the two best workers you had on staff, I hope that the future vacancies tagged along will run you right into the fucking toilet. And have fun training new staff in the middle of a potential Minnesota Wild playoff run. Your incompetence will rub off and your establishment will crumble faster than the snowpile outside of 7th Place in the Spring.
HERE IS A LIST OF ACCEPTABLE BARS THAT PEOPLE SHOULD PATRONIZE IN DOWNTOWN SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA:
Amsterdam Bar & Hall (WONDERFUL PLACE TO HEAR & PERFORM MUSIC)
6 West 6th Street
612-285-3112
www.amsterdambarandhall.com
Alary's Bar (GREAT DRINK SPECIALS & SHUTTLE FOR WILD GAMES)
139 7th Street East
651-224-7717
www.alarys.com
Bullpen Sports Saloon (AWESOME DRINK SPECIALS & VERY NICE STAGE)
395 North Robert St
651-340-0583
www.bullpensportssaloon.com
Bulldog Lowertown (EXCELLENT TAP SELECTION AND GREAT FOOD)
237 East 6th Street
651-221-0750
www.thebulldoglowertown.com
Great Waters Brewery (FINE CRAFT BREWERY AND SOLID FOOD)
426 Saint Peter Street
651-224-2739
www.greatwatersbc.com
March 19, 2013
Accountablity
“If you hang out with chickens, you're going to cluck
and if you hang out with eagles, you're going to fly.”
― Steve Maraboli
This previous weekend was St. Patrick's Day. My favorite holiday of the year, a time to celebrate intense hours of drinking, partying and camaraderie. This year's celebration meant a lot to me considering how I was in poor health and unknowingly near death around this point last year. The fact that I was able to drink for about 32 of the 48 hours between Saturday and Sunday is both miraculous and a testament to what one's body can do and how your mind can will it to happen.
But upon recapping and patching the weekend's events, it trickled down into what I have previously stated on here and as well as how I have changed socially in the last several months. There are a lot of people, either directly connected or via friends of friends or acquaintances, that drink and cannot be held accountable for themselves when hitting a drunken level. Now I understand full well that drinking tolerance with in a person is like a snowflake, never two alike. But the disparity of events branches all genders, races, religions, shapes and sizes. People need to take time in their lives to figure out how they can handle things. If you like to drink, you should know your limits with alcohol before you go out and drink. Maybe it's making sure you eat beforehand. Maybe it's you can't drink Jagermeister like it's water after 5 hours. Whatever the circumstance, set the rules with your mind and body and follow accordingly, breaking them for nothing and nobody at any time.
Saturday night, I met a chick who had been drinking, but was clearly coherent, said she was alone and wanted to have fun. I danced with this lady and we had a shot before she started to harass a friend of mine and then proceeded to straddle some random guy a few minutes later. A combination of pissed, stunned and general disgust came about me and I was ready to leave. I find out later that this chick wasn't alone and was actually with her boyfriend who was working his ass off bartending for the night and was good friends with said harassed friend. Now this slut more than likely went home with her boyfriend and chalked all of what went down up to "Oh, I just had too many drinks." No Fucking Accountability for the fact that A: She apparently reached a point to where she could no longer hold her liquor intake, and B: Was clearly trying to have fun with someone other than her boyfriend While He's In the Goddamn Bar. When I danced with her, it turned from casual 2-step to her bent down in front of me pretty fast. But I'm sure that all is well in her head for now and that this same event will occur at another bar with another set of people.
I have never seen people eat so much food that they cannot digest anymore of it and then they projectile vomit and shit their pants around the entire room, but dozens upon dozens of times will people go and blame the dumb, mindless, reckless, stupid shit they say and fucking do over a bottle.
Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
I have reached a point of disgust to where there are some calls I won't answer when going out because I refuse, as a grown ass adult who got over drinking in excess because it "seemed cool", and can not handle my alcohol and realise my tolerance, I Refuse to drink with people who bring nothing but drama and bullshit and just lose there motherfucking minds when they drink. And I'm not talking about getting Drunk. That happens to us all and people can still be casual while drunk. I'm not talking about getting sick because that can happen as well and be from a number of reasons. But when you have a track record of fights, blackouts, broken shit, arguments, injuries, "I dunno what the fuck happened, Dude where's my car" kind of shit, it's time for a re-evaluation of life and asking the question of is alcohol right for you. And while you're off figuring that out, I'll be at the bar having a great, drama-free time drinking.
March 4, 2013
Grab Bag #20: Catching Up on TV, March Madness, St. Pat's Day
Been awhile since I've posted. Missed the One-Year Anniversary of CSTH. Thanks to the Thousands of you who have shared in my posts over the last dozen months. I will do my best to check in more and write stuff.
* TV Recap: The 2 shows I'm currently watching now are just getting really fucking crazy. The Carrie Diaries and Girls. BIG FUCKING SPOILER ALERT - DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THEM YET... I Warned You:
On TCD, Everything just hit the fucking fan, Carrie breaks up with George, Sebastian breaks up with Donna because he likes Carrie and has Mouse help him try to find her (which only leads to failure and a towed car) then Donna goes after Walt because she knows Maggie's secret fling with the cop, which Walt finds out about and then leads to him and Donna dating. But the biggest part of the recent episode is Carrie finally gets busted by her dad about her Manhattan life and now has lost both of her internships. It's just still weird to see Carrie being this controlled person because she's just 16. It fills in gaps of how she became the later version we all know and love (we even see her first Cosmo order) but there are still some holes in the story. It was nice to Not See her bitch-brat sister Dorrit in this episode, hopefully they keep that trend going.
As for Girls, we finally learn that Hannah is legitimately crazy, not just crazy. Her OCD has "Come Back" apparently, but really it's more of a nervous breakdown considering all of the shit that she has going on. Meanwhile, Charlie pulls the badass move that myself and anyone who's ever been shot down or dumped would love to pull, He sold an app to a company and now has a business that has turned him into a rich big shot, making Marnie feel like the stupid bitch she is for playing him on the fence. We later find out that she has a hidden talent, she has a really good voice, which we wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Ray getting fed up of listening to her shit and asking her what her dream in life was. He was at home waiting for Shosh to get back from her party at Rodica's (some chick who rollerblades) but their argument and Rodica's lack of interest led to Shosh (who was looking pretty hot, except for her permanent bad hair day deal) making out with a doorman.
* One of my favorite events is on the way. March Madness in College Basketball is starting up this week. From the small conference tournaments to the larger programs, to the Big Dance and even the NIT, this is a fun time to watch sports and bet on them as well. Even the person who can't tell you where Idaho State is located (Pocatello, Idaho) or the nickname of Coastal Carolina (Chanticleers) has a chance at winning the Office Pool at your job or school. So do some research or call a friend who knows this stuff *Cough, Cough* and toss 20 bucks in and indulge in the Madness.
* Another magical event, my favorite holiday, is also around the corner. Saint Patrick's Day is in 2 weeks. And this year will be better than last year for a couple of reasons. For starters, I am not on the verge of death like last year (I had an infected gallbladder around March 17th still) and the Parade here in St. Paul will be on a Saturday for a 2nd straight year (some stupid shit about parades can't be on Sundays. That's the best fucking day for a parade, Plus Grand Old Days is on a Sunday, but I digress) So there will be about 48 hours worth of drinking, so it should be a wonderful weekend.
* TV Recap: The 2 shows I'm currently watching now are just getting really fucking crazy. The Carrie Diaries and Girls. BIG FUCKING SPOILER ALERT - DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THEM YET... I Warned You:
On TCD, Everything just hit the fucking fan, Carrie breaks up with George, Sebastian breaks up with Donna because he likes Carrie and has Mouse help him try to find her (which only leads to failure and a towed car) then Donna goes after Walt because she knows Maggie's secret fling with the cop, which Walt finds out about and then leads to him and Donna dating. But the biggest part of the recent episode is Carrie finally gets busted by her dad about her Manhattan life and now has lost both of her internships. It's just still weird to see Carrie being this controlled person because she's just 16. It fills in gaps of how she became the later version we all know and love (we even see her first Cosmo order) but there are still some holes in the story. It was nice to Not See her bitch-brat sister Dorrit in this episode, hopefully they keep that trend going.
As for Girls, we finally learn that Hannah is legitimately crazy, not just crazy. Her OCD has "Come Back" apparently, but really it's more of a nervous breakdown considering all of the shit that she has going on. Meanwhile, Charlie pulls the badass move that myself and anyone who's ever been shot down or dumped would love to pull, He sold an app to a company and now has a business that has turned him into a rich big shot, making Marnie feel like the stupid bitch she is for playing him on the fence. We later find out that she has a hidden talent, she has a really good voice, which we wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Ray getting fed up of listening to her shit and asking her what her dream in life was. He was at home waiting for Shosh to get back from her party at Rodica's (some chick who rollerblades) but their argument and Rodica's lack of interest led to Shosh (who was looking pretty hot, except for her permanent bad hair day deal) making out with a doorman.
* One of my favorite events is on the way. March Madness in College Basketball is starting up this week. From the small conference tournaments to the larger programs, to the Big Dance and even the NIT, this is a fun time to watch sports and bet on them as well. Even the person who can't tell you where Idaho State is located (Pocatello, Idaho) or the nickname of Coastal Carolina (Chanticleers) has a chance at winning the Office Pool at your job or school. So do some research or call a friend who knows this stuff *Cough, Cough* and toss 20 bucks in and indulge in the Madness.
* Another magical event, my favorite holiday, is also around the corner. Saint Patrick's Day is in 2 weeks. And this year will be better than last year for a couple of reasons. For starters, I am not on the verge of death like last year (I had an infected gallbladder around March 17th still) and the Parade here in St. Paul will be on a Saturday for a 2nd straight year (some stupid shit about parades can't be on Sundays. That's the best fucking day for a parade, Plus Grand Old Days is on a Sunday, but I digress) So there will be about 48 hours worth of drinking, so it should be a wonderful weekend.
February 14, 2013
Happy Fuckin' Valentine's Day
Hallmark and Hershey present to you a carnival of emotions. This day sounds ridiculous, but could be really awesome or really shitty depending on your status of a significant other. We all know where I stand there, but for those who do have someone special and magical in their lives (and there really are some people who have that... For the moment at least) then this day should be celebrated in a grand fashion, but everyday forward as well. If you really mean the shit you "said" in a $9 card (which you don't) then live that life and bring your guy/girl roses on August 5th, and June 26th, and October 2nd, because true love doesn't have one set day.
Now for the rest of us miserable ass singles, people who try to fake themselves into being happy by throwing the "this is a celebration of me today" card out (in my opinion, more pathetic than just cursing this day off outright)
A mini-background on my history on February 14th, I thought this was a cool holiday when I was a kid, because copious amounts of candy were involved (now I'd rather have a holiday with copious amounts of liquor) and because I have always been one of those faulty "Believe in Love" kind of guys. My first crush was when I was 6 years old, and I gave her a Ring Pop in proposal fashion. She accepted the ring and rejected me, starting the viciously depressing cycle timeclock that became my love life. Over 9 years of grammar school, I was shut down 5 times on V-Day. Then High School hit and this day became irrelevant, considering I went to a All-Boys school and worked 2 side jobs, I just kinda bypassed this day for 4 years.
Everything changed in 2009, when I moved up here to Minnesota, and found myself dating someone for the entire 2nd month of that year. Me being me, I decided to cook dinner at home for the night for 2 reasons: 1-Dinner at home can sound more romantic to some chicks than going out somewhere. 2-The Slam Dunk Contest was on that night. Now this sounds like a great idea but 19 year old me couldn't cook like current me, so I basically improvised and bought some Domino's buffalo chicken and cut it up and tossed it into a salad. It came out okay, dinner went well, and the night ended with a nice make-out session and a good slam dunk contest (literally, that was the year Dwight Howard did the crazy Superman dunk. Now he's got about as much game as the real Superman... Still too soon?). Point of note: Did not have sex on that date, despite it being our 5th date, that trend continued for a couple more dates and she was placed on Waivers that March 1st.
Cut to 4 years later, still single, not even a single prospect and while it's not the worst thing ever, it's just a testament to most of the things I've blogged about on here. The landscape of dating is about as fucked as the American Unemployment Rate and it's not getting any better. So Here I rant, Bottle of Grey Goose by my side. Here's to another Valentine's Day
February 11, 2013
Grab Bag 19: A Redemption Story and Betting on the Next Pope
* Usually ESPN will throw out a story on SportsCenter or College Gameday and it will be some sob tearjerker about a Coaches' sick kid or a special needs kid in H.S. making a trick shot, and it's really just shown for rating's sake, But one story that the Worldwide Sports Leader should tell is one of their own current workers, Analyst Jay Williams. Bulls fans like me remember Jay for being the dumbass who crashed his bike on the North Side and ruined his career, as well as wasting our #2 draft pick in 2002 (Yao Ming went 1st... so Jay wasn't the biggest bust ever) But this New York Times article tells the true story of the struggles and obstacles he overcame to get where he is now. This is a must-read, feel-good story. After reading this, I have a new respect for Jay and I have personally forgiven him for his mistake a decade ago. Plus the lucky S.O.B is dating Charissa Thompson.
* So, for those who follow this kind of stuff, Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down from hisGrand Wizard World Heavyweight Title Holy Seat at the end of the month. I was trapped in Catholic High School when he was named Pope, and as the house bookie, I drew up real odds on who would be the next in line. Benedict (Real Name: Joe Ratzinger) cashed in at 5/2 odds (only 2 kids won if I can recall)
Without further ado, here are my quoted odds for the next Pope:
Cardinal Angelo Bagansco (Real Cardinal in Italy) 8/5
Father Guido Sarducci (Chain-smoking priest) 75 - 1
Benny Hinn (Scammy Arab Pastor) 100 - 1
Creflo Dollar (Scammy Black Preacher) 125 - 1
Father Michael Pfleger (Chicago Pastor/Activist) 300 - 1
Spirit of Truth Minster (Flowin' from the Survival Scrolls, Biatch!) 475 - 1
Chris Berman (ESPN Patriarch) 500 - 1
Ozzy Osbourne (Prince of Darkness) 666 - 1
Sally Field (former Flying Nun) 1250 - 1
Horse Head Guy during Hurricane Sandy (Badass) 1500 - 1
Jesus (Might be a good time for a comeback, right?) 3500 - 1
* So, for those who follow this kind of stuff, Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down from his
Without further ado, here are my quoted odds for the next Pope:
Cardinal Angelo Bagansco (Real Cardinal in Italy) 8/5
Father Guido Sarducci (Chain-smoking priest) 75 - 1
Benny Hinn (Scammy Arab Pastor) 100 - 1
Creflo Dollar (Scammy Black Preacher) 125 - 1
Father Michael Pfleger (Chicago Pastor/Activist) 300 - 1
Spirit of Truth Minster (Flowin' from the Survival Scrolls, Biatch!) 475 - 1
Chris Berman (ESPN Patriarch) 500 - 1
Ozzy Osbourne (Prince of Darkness) 666 - 1
Sally Field (former Flying Nun) 1250 - 1
Horse Head Guy during Hurricane Sandy (Badass) 1500 - 1
Jesus (Might be a good time for a comeback, right?) 3500 - 1
February 4, 2013
A Big Bowl of Super
Yesterday was the 47th installment of the Super Bowl, the NFL Championship Game. The Baltimore Ravens are now World Champions after beating the San Fran 49ers on a missed holding call (with the good officials too, not the Foot Locker staff) The game was very entertaining, and so were the Commercials. Here are some of my favorites from yesterday:
1. GoDaddy.com Commercial featuring Danica Patrick, Bar Refaeli and one lucky ass nerd.
Why, oh why couldn't I have been casted for this ad? I have some TV experience. They did 45 takes in this shot. No word on how many times he had to change pants.
2. Geico Commercial featuring Dikembe Mutumbo
Former NBA player Dikembe Mutumbo is everywhere doing what he does best. Very funny for those who remember the 90's star, but still a close 2nd to the Eddie Money bit which debuted at SB 46
3. Audi Commercial featuring the New 2013 Audi S6
Between Walter from the GoDaddy bit, the Ravens (who were +4.5) and this kid, it was a night for the underdogs.
4. Doritos Commercial featuring a Goat
Guy buys a dorito-loving goat. Hilarity ensues.
5. Oreo Commercial - Cookie vs Cream
What happens when a dispute takes place in a library?
6. Mercedes-Benz Commercial featuring Kate Upton Washing a Car in Slow Motion
OK, so it's not #1 because, well it's basically false advertising. But it's on the list because it's still Kate Upton in Slow-Motion. I'll take that anyday.
HONORABLE MENTION: This should have aired last night and it would have been #2 for sure.
1. GoDaddy.com Commercial featuring Danica Patrick, Bar Refaeli and one lucky ass nerd.
Why, oh why couldn't I have been casted for this ad? I have some TV experience. They did 45 takes in this shot. No word on how many times he had to change pants.
2. Geico Commercial featuring Dikembe Mutumbo
Former NBA player Dikembe Mutumbo is everywhere doing what he does best. Very funny for those who remember the 90's star, but still a close 2nd to the Eddie Money bit which debuted at SB 46
3. Audi Commercial featuring the New 2013 Audi S6
Between Walter from the GoDaddy bit, the Ravens (who were +4.5) and this kid, it was a night for the underdogs.
4. Doritos Commercial featuring a Goat
Guy buys a dorito-loving goat. Hilarity ensues.
5. Oreo Commercial - Cookie vs Cream
What happens when a dispute takes place in a library?
6. Mercedes-Benz Commercial featuring Kate Upton Washing a Car in Slow Motion
OK, so it's not #1 because, well it's basically false advertising. But it's on the list because it's still Kate Upton in Slow-Motion. I'll take that anyday.
HONORABLE MENTION: This should have aired last night and it would have been #2 for sure.
February 1, 2013
an Apology...
I owe someone an apology. Someone fictional, but a real apology. While the real actress/creator of "Girls" Lena Dunham doesn't know (or care) I have yelled at her character, Hannah about a dozen times, more than I have at any recent hoops game in which I've had money on the line. I gave her So much shit, soooo much shit for taking the garbage abuse that she subjects herself to from her pseudo/fuckbuddy/love interest Adam. And then it hit me today, that I've been in the middle of the same shit, in her shoes, and not in a real distant past either.
It's hard to really love someone, even when they care and they realise it and are reciprocating that love back to you. But when you love someone, I mean really take your whole heart out of your chest and off your sleeve, and they don't feel the same way, or take advantage of your truth and vulnerability and just outright really don't give a flying SuperFuck about how you feel and care for them, well there's truly a different pain and a different healing for a situation like that.
And then you start to question yourself and ger really mad at the mirror because you realise Everything that is being done in front of you, but yet you can pull yourself away from it. But when it's a friend in the same spot, we "Minimize" it down and tell them they need to pull their heads from out of their asses or their girlfriend or boyfriend's asses and stop subjecting themselves to the misery, when probably at the same time, our heads are as far or even further up our own assholes.
So, I'm sorry, Hannah. I know your pain and really wish you would just pull your head out from the hole, but really, who am I to comment.
It's hard to really love someone, even when they care and they realise it and are reciprocating that love back to you. But when you love someone, I mean really take your whole heart out of your chest and off your sleeve, and they don't feel the same way, or take advantage of your truth and vulnerability and just outright really don't give a flying SuperFuck about how you feel and care for them, well there's truly a different pain and a different healing for a situation like that.
And then you start to question yourself and ger really mad at the mirror because you realise Everything that is being done in front of you, but yet you can pull yourself away from it. But when it's a friend in the same spot, we "Minimize" it down and tell them they need to pull their heads from out of their asses or their girlfriend or boyfriend's asses and stop subjecting themselves to the misery, when probably at the same time, our heads are as far or even further up our own assholes.
So, I'm sorry, Hannah. I know your pain and really wish you would just pull your head out from the hole, but really, who am I to comment.
January 31, 2013
My First Real Rant of 2013.
OK, so It's the last day of the first month of 2013. I don't have any real serious issues about life at the moment like usual. I have had some pretty good days so far this year to lead off, but I do have some small complaints on general human life that I'd like to get off of my chest.
* Tonight, I just left Mickey's Diner. The World Famous "Mighty Ducks Restaurant where Charlie's Mom Worked" in Downtown Saint Paul. it's 1:45am. I walk in to see a fellow Chicagoan eating with his woman and child, while wearing a Blackhawks jersey (they played here, lost in a shootout) and he's blasted drunk, cursing about him also losing his job as well as us "Sucking" tonight (Hawks actually played well against a good Wild team. fucking moron.) He eventually accosts 4 tourists from Chicagoland who were at the game, and disrupts their late night meal and even threatened two of my good friends who walked in about a milkshake (an incident I learned about after he left because I would have decked him at that point myself) I'm just sick and fucking tired of people who make my city look bad, be it here or back at home. It's so sad and embarassing to see the death and struggle and crime in my hometown, and for fucking morons from their to make themselves look bad while representing our proud city and our sports teams makes me fucking sick. (For the record, said asshole is also a Cubs fan. explains a bit more)
* I've been watching this show "Girls" that comes on HBO. I'm catching up online because I refuse to spend any more cash on cable in this year than I have to. I'm watching the First Season, really funny shit, very awkward sex scenes but just a generally funny show. And then I hit Episode 4 and 5, when one of the charactors (SORRY, SPOILER ALERT!) who has had a long going issue with her boyfriend about how he was so into her and that she doesn't love him as much, eventually they breakup after the BF reads the diary of the main character (who is BFF's with the GF) and then the Girlfriend gets mad at her friend, get this. FOR WRITING THIS SHIT IN HER PERSONAL DIARY! Are You Fucking Bleeping Me right now! She got upset because her friend knew the truth about how she felt, and so what does the Girlfriend do, she chases the newly crowned ex-boyfriend, and they talk and she literally begs him to take her back, which leads to this awkward sex scene and she ends up bumping her head on this partition of the bed, as if she has a fucking epiphany, and BAM!, She wants to break up with him. I have never been so mad at a scene from a television show in my entire fucking life as I was when I saw this shit. And what made me sooooo upset about this, is because THIS SHIT REALLY HAPPENS IN REAL FUCKING LIFE!!!! Countless people (mostly women) I Know who have fucking dealt with some bullshit relationship or situation where they are unhappy and yet when they realise it, and do the right thing by ending the relationship, they get sad and fucking hormonal and then decide to change their minds as if AS IF the fucking situation has flipped over like a fucking piece of paper on a windy day and that everything is cute, cool and hunky-fucking-dorey now after that happened. THE. DUMBEST. SHIT. I'VE. EVER/ SEEN. OR. HEARD. EVER! Stop It! Stop subjecting yourself to situations to where you are being treated like dogshit, because eventually, if you keep doing it, you will become the dogshit you are being treated like. Start using that fucking grey matter up top and quit being a dumbass and treat yourself better in life.
* I'm going to end this rant on a note that I've also said before. Mean what you say, and say what you mean, because no one likes a hypocrite, nor does anyone like someone who blames their actions and thoughts on other outside shit. I can outdrink the fucking populous of the neighborhood I live in and I've heard 3 different people in 24 hours blame shit they've done on either drinking or being "out of it" Get your fucking shit together and stop using anything, be it person or substance, to blame for anything you've done. If it's a mistake, it's a mistake and own up to it, but be real with the shit. Hide behind something like a coward, fucking fade like a coward.
Thanks folks. Have fun this weekend! Super Bowl is this Sunday! Bet the Niners and the Over!
* Tonight, I just left Mickey's Diner. The World Famous "Mighty Ducks Restaurant where Charlie's Mom Worked" in Downtown Saint Paul. it's 1:45am. I walk in to see a fellow Chicagoan eating with his woman and child, while wearing a Blackhawks jersey (they played here, lost in a shootout) and he's blasted drunk, cursing about him also losing his job as well as us "Sucking" tonight (Hawks actually played well against a good Wild team. fucking moron.) He eventually accosts 4 tourists from Chicagoland who were at the game, and disrupts their late night meal and even threatened two of my good friends who walked in about a milkshake (an incident I learned about after he left because I would have decked him at that point myself) I'm just sick and fucking tired of people who make my city look bad, be it here or back at home. It's so sad and embarassing to see the death and struggle and crime in my hometown, and for fucking morons from their to make themselves look bad while representing our proud city and our sports teams makes me fucking sick. (For the record, said asshole is also a Cubs fan. explains a bit more)
* I've been watching this show "Girls" that comes on HBO. I'm catching up online because I refuse to spend any more cash on cable in this year than I have to. I'm watching the First Season, really funny shit, very awkward sex scenes but just a generally funny show. And then I hit Episode 4 and 5, when one of the charactors (SORRY, SPOILER ALERT!) who has had a long going issue with her boyfriend about how he was so into her and that she doesn't love him as much, eventually they breakup after the BF reads the diary of the main character (who is BFF's with the GF) and then the Girlfriend gets mad at her friend, get this. FOR WRITING THIS SHIT IN HER PERSONAL DIARY! Are You Fucking Bleeping Me right now! She got upset because her friend knew the truth about how she felt, and so what does the Girlfriend do, she chases the newly crowned ex-boyfriend, and they talk and she literally begs him to take her back, which leads to this awkward sex scene and she ends up bumping her head on this partition of the bed, as if she has a fucking epiphany, and BAM!, She wants to break up with him. I have never been so mad at a scene from a television show in my entire fucking life as I was when I saw this shit. And what made me sooooo upset about this, is because THIS SHIT REALLY HAPPENS IN REAL FUCKING LIFE!!!! Countless people (mostly women) I Know who have fucking dealt with some bullshit relationship or situation where they are unhappy and yet when they realise it, and do the right thing by ending the relationship, they get sad and fucking hormonal and then decide to change their minds as if AS IF the fucking situation has flipped over like a fucking piece of paper on a windy day and that everything is cute, cool and hunky-fucking-dorey now after that happened. THE. DUMBEST. SHIT. I'VE. EVER/ SEEN. OR. HEARD. EVER! Stop It! Stop subjecting yourself to situations to where you are being treated like dogshit, because eventually, if you keep doing it, you will become the dogshit you are being treated like. Start using that fucking grey matter up top and quit being a dumbass and treat yourself better in life.
* I'm going to end this rant on a note that I've also said before. Mean what you say, and say what you mean, because no one likes a hypocrite, nor does anyone like someone who blames their actions and thoughts on other outside shit. I can outdrink the fucking populous of the neighborhood I live in and I've heard 3 different people in 24 hours blame shit they've done on either drinking or being "out of it" Get your fucking shit together and stop using anything, be it person or substance, to blame for anything you've done. If it's a mistake, it's a mistake and own up to it, but be real with the shit. Hide behind something like a coward, fucking fade like a coward.
Thanks folks. Have fun this weekend! Super Bowl is this Sunday! Bet the Niners and the Over!
January 28, 2013
The Carrie Diaries!
So it's well-documented how I'm a huge fan of the show Sex & The City (pretty sure I'm in the Guinness Book of Records for only straight male with the entire series on DVD, and in the Collector's Box). Well earlier this month, the CW debuted The Carrie Diaries, which is the Candace Bushnell penned novel pre-dating S&TC about Carrie Bradshaw as a 16 year old girl, living in Connecticut with her Dad and little sister after the loss of their Mom to cancer. She has her clique of friends, and she gets an internship working with a Law Firm in Manhattan, which then leads to her meeting a random lady with a British accent and she discovers how awesome city life and fashion is.
The pilot show was kind of a stretch to explain the story line, but it gets increasingly better and sucks you in just like S&TC does. AnnaSophia Robb does a wonderful job of capturing the quirkiness and wit that Sarah Jessica Parker does playing Carrie. However, I'm personally not a fan of her sister Dorrit (who is mysteriously never mentioned in S&TC) or her father Tom. It's just odd seeing Carrie not as independent as before, but kind of neat to see the transformation of her becoming a woman in the City. The show also does a wonderful job of capturing the style and music of the Mid-80's (I'm assuming someone is gonna break out some coke in a bullet before the season ends) For anyone who hasn't seen or followed S&TC, should definitely watch The Carrie Diaries first and then you can see the transition of Carrie into the fashionista-writer that took the world by storm.
The Carrie Diaries come on the CW Network on Mondays at 8pm Eastern (check your local listings)
The pilot show was kind of a stretch to explain the story line, but it gets increasingly better and sucks you in just like S&TC does. AnnaSophia Robb does a wonderful job of capturing the quirkiness and wit that Sarah Jessica Parker does playing Carrie. However, I'm personally not a fan of her sister Dorrit (who is mysteriously never mentioned in S&TC) or her father Tom. It's just odd seeing Carrie not as independent as before, but kind of neat to see the transformation of her becoming a woman in the City. The show also does a wonderful job of capturing the style and music of the Mid-80's (I'm assuming someone is gonna break out some coke in a bullet before the season ends) For anyone who hasn't seen or followed S&TC, should definitely watch The Carrie Diaries first and then you can see the transition of Carrie into the fashionista-writer that took the world by storm.
The Carrie Diaries come on the CW Network on Mondays at 8pm Eastern (check your local listings)
January 12, 2013
Grab Bag #18: Bunch of Shit
Happy 2013 Everyone! There's been a lot of shit to talk about, so let's hop into it!
* Some really good commercials out on TV recently. My favorites are the Geico Eddie Money Travel Agency, the Zoosk Heart, and the whole set of Wendy's ads with the super hot redhead. As much as I hate most fast-food, I would eat a meal from there to meet this lady.
* The NFL Playoffs are Well underway. Lots of shockers with the Baltimore Ravens upsetting the Denver Broncos and the Green Bay Packers finding another way to "Discount Double Choke" in the postseason against the San Francisco 49ers. Hopefully Ray Lewis can capture a title to end up his Hall of Fame Career.
* The NHL Lockout has finally ended. However, the fans are left with a crammed schedule, and worries about injury issues with guys only dealing with one week of training camp. Not every player went overseas or trained on-ice as much, but we shall see a sloppy, grittier game that hopefully will not be bogged down with poor officiating like the end of last season. Gary Bettman is a fucking piece of shit and I'll sip champagne when his eyes close just like I did for Bill Wirtz.
* DJANGO UNCHAINED IS THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL-TIME!!!
Seriously. Most of you who know me well know my favorite movie ever is Scarface. Well that all changed a couple days after X-Mas when I went to see Django. It's Scarface, Pulp Fiction, The Help, and Smokin' Aces bundled into one. There's some Tarentino-quality humor parts and some amazing twists and turns that only Quentin can pull off. Excellent acting by everyone from Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson, Kerry Washington, and a couple of surprise faces I won't ruin for you if you haven't seen it. GO SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE! IT'S AHHMAZZING!!!
* A band to Check out in 2013 is Beast Patrol. This Glam-ish Indie trio from N.Y.C has the right mix of 80's grit and modern sound. Their EP, "Fierce & Grateful" has been spinning constantly on my laptop for months now. Listen to it HERE
* Later this Month, I will start doing interviews with interesting people from some of the subjects I talk about on here, Such as Food, Sports, Dating, Music, and Booze. So stay tuned for that new segment and if you have any suggestions of people I should interview, E-mail courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com
* Congrats to the Alabama Crimson Tide Football team, who captured the National Title by stomping out Notre Dame. But an even bigger congratulations goes out to QB A.J. McCarron, for not only winning on the field, but winning off the field by dating 2012 Miss Alabama winner Katherine Webb. This southern belle got ESPN Commentator Brent Musberger all hot and bothered and caused many a fellow (myself included) to conduct a thorough Google Search to see who she was.
*
* Some really good commercials out on TV recently. My favorites are the Geico Eddie Money Travel Agency, the Zoosk Heart, and the whole set of Wendy's ads with the super hot redhead. As much as I hate most fast-food, I would eat a meal from there to meet this lady.
* The NFL Playoffs are Well underway. Lots of shockers with the Baltimore Ravens upsetting the Denver Broncos and the Green Bay Packers finding another way to "Discount Double Choke" in the postseason against the San Francisco 49ers. Hopefully Ray Lewis can capture a title to end up his Hall of Fame Career.
* The NHL Lockout has finally ended. However, the fans are left with a crammed schedule, and worries about injury issues with guys only dealing with one week of training camp. Not every player went overseas or trained on-ice as much, but we shall see a sloppy, grittier game that hopefully will not be bogged down with poor officiating like the end of last season. Gary Bettman is a fucking piece of shit and I'll sip champagne when his eyes close just like I did for Bill Wirtz.
* DJANGO UNCHAINED IS THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL-TIME!!!
Seriously. Most of you who know me well know my favorite movie ever is Scarface. Well that all changed a couple days after X-Mas when I went to see Django. It's Scarface, Pulp Fiction, The Help, and Smokin' Aces bundled into one. There's some Tarentino-quality humor parts and some amazing twists and turns that only Quentin can pull off. Excellent acting by everyone from Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson, Kerry Washington, and a couple of surprise faces I won't ruin for you if you haven't seen it. GO SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE! IT'S AHHMAZZING!!!
* A band to Check out in 2013 is Beast Patrol. This Glam-ish Indie trio from N.Y.C has the right mix of 80's grit and modern sound. Their EP, "Fierce & Grateful" has been spinning constantly on my laptop for months now. Listen to it HERE
* Later this Month, I will start doing interviews with interesting people from some of the subjects I talk about on here, Such as Food, Sports, Dating, Music, and Booze. So stay tuned for that new segment and if you have any suggestions of people I should interview, E-mail courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com
* Congrats to the Alabama Crimson Tide Football team, who captured the National Title by stomping out Notre Dame. But an even bigger congratulations goes out to QB A.J. McCarron, for not only winning on the field, but winning off the field by dating 2012 Miss Alabama winner Katherine Webb. This southern belle got ESPN Commentator Brent Musberger all hot and bothered and caused many a fellow (myself included) to conduct a thorough Google Search to see who she was.
*
December 28, 2012
2012: Reviewed
Well, here we are. We didn't get wiped out by The Rapture that was supposed to go down on 12/21/12, and the Blog is almost a year old. For me, personally, I am sooooo glad 2012 is finishing up. I did not have a wonderful year. I left my old band, and subsequently took a break from music. In March, I had to have an emergency gallbladder removal surgery, and in the last several months, I've had to deal with a serious illness in my family. A few cool things did take place this year however. I made some new friends, started this little blog that you are reading, attended my 500th live sporting event, and re-modeled my apartment. A lot of wild and stupid shit happened too, Such as me recently cracking my front tooth outside of a bar and me almost sleeping with a chick with braces
As far as the world around us, well, there was plenty of bullshit to keep us busy. From Television and Media garbage like Honey Boo Boo, Gangnam Style and 50 Shades of Gray (Bored) to the Election (zzzzzz....) Even sports was crazy this year with the NHL Lockout, the Saints Bounty Scandal and the Replacement Refs in the NFL
Basically, 2012 was a reflective year. A year full of experiences to learn from and use to better ourselves in the future ahead.
Anyways, I want to thank every last single person who has viewed this Blog in 2012. What started as a drunken facebook rant and a nifty idea from a couple of my friends has turned into my soapbox which, based on your responses, have made you laugh, pissed you off, and most importantly, made you think for a little bit. I am happy that I can contribute to your day with the crazy thoughts in my head.
So, raise a glass of something strong and let's toast 2012 goodbye, and to an awesome 2013 ahead.
Have a Happy, Safe and Epic New Year. And like I always remind you, Keep your genitals out of harm's way.
Alex B. Smith
Courtside Seats to Hell
As far as the world around us, well, there was plenty of bullshit to keep us busy. From Television and Media garbage like Honey Boo Boo, Gangnam Style and 50 Shades of Gray (Bored) to the Election (zzzzzz....) Even sports was crazy this year with the NHL Lockout, the Saints Bounty Scandal and the Replacement Refs in the NFL
Basically, 2012 was a reflective year. A year full of experiences to learn from and use to better ourselves in the future ahead.
Anyways, I want to thank every last single person who has viewed this Blog in 2012. What started as a drunken facebook rant and a nifty idea from a couple of my friends has turned into my soapbox which, based on your responses, have made you laugh, pissed you off, and most importantly, made you think for a little bit. I am happy that I can contribute to your day with the crazy thoughts in my head.
So, raise a glass of something strong and let's toast 2012 goodbye, and to an awesome 2013 ahead.
Have a Happy, Safe and Epic New Year. And like I always remind you, Keep your genitals out of harm's way.
Alex B. Smith
Courtside Seats to Hell
December 12, 2012
Grab Bag #17: Catfish, Pink Snapper, and Swordfish
It's only fitting that I fell asleep talking to a friend about Seafood, and then I wake up to this shit:
* So, MTV (The Channel Formerly Known as "Music Television") has a new reality show out called Catfish. As you know, I'm 23 going on 46 so I get lost in some of these terms. I didn't know that Catfish is a term for people who make fake profiles on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media site you prefer, and then bait people into having online relationships with them,
In Episode 1 (according to Wikipedia, there will be 12 of these. holy fuck) we have a guy from Georgia who has been talking to a girl named Abigail (Abby) from Biloxi, Miss. They have chatted on Facebook for over a year and have talked on the phone, but haven't met each other. They have had some hardcore messages like (OMG I Luv U Foreverrrrrrr!!! <3 Marry Meeee" kinda shit) But when Georgia dude wanted to meet the love of his life, she had an "Unexpected Family Emergency" come up. (Women are real good for pulling that shit.. Just saying) and so he contacted this show to finally get to meet Abby, who according to her Facebook profile, is a dainty looking slim blonde gal. Fairly easy on the eyes. They chat, he drops the deal that there's this MTV show, I wanna meet ya, blah blah blah.
So she kinda tries to duck the meeting but agrees anyway. So now Georgia dude (Jarrod is his name, just remembered that) goes to Biloxi to meet Abby. They pull up to what looks like a fucking mini barn or an old slave quarters and knock on thestable Front Door and there's no answer. Walk around to the side and there is a brunette standing outside, Not Abby. It's Melissa. The Real Person Jarrod was talking to! It's like the 1-900 Phone Sex Bait and Switch for the 21st Century! Now don't get me wrong, the fact that Melissa isn't like Abby in the photo sense but the fact that she fucking lied to him about EVERYTHING!!! And then blamed it on her self-esteem issues. Um, Lady do you realise this is fucking fraud and could have gotten you into some serious trouble. If you can't face someone then work that issue out on your time, now you dragged this guy's heart through babyshit because you can't deal with yourself? you selfish stupid bitch. And of course she keeps saying, "But I do care about him" The Fuck You Do! You were another person for a year plus and didn't once ever think this shit would hit the fan.
I have done online dating, and I am against it. I believe people should stop being such fucking introverts and go meet people when they go outside. But for Tebow's sake, You can possibly think this catfish shit will work if you try it. Just dumb. Get a life.
* Increepy Celebrity news, Anne Hathaway (drool) is in the film adaptation of Les Miserables, and at the Red Carpet Premier, not only was she wearing this hot bondage style leather wraparound kinda dress but she left the dessert tray off the pie if you know what I mean, Here's the Safe for Work version (E-mail courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com if you wanna see the other one)
That's all for now. Have a Swimmingly awesome Hump Day today!
* So, MTV (The Channel Formerly Known as "Music Television") has a new reality show out called Catfish. As you know, I'm 23 going on 46 so I get lost in some of these terms. I didn't know that Catfish is a term for people who make fake profiles on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media site you prefer, and then bait people into having online relationships with them,
In Episode 1 (according to Wikipedia, there will be 12 of these. holy fuck) we have a guy from Georgia who has been talking to a girl named Abigail (Abby) from Biloxi, Miss. They have chatted on Facebook for over a year and have talked on the phone, but haven't met each other. They have had some hardcore messages like (OMG I Luv U Foreverrrrrrr!!! <3 Marry Meeee" kinda shit) But when Georgia dude wanted to meet the love of his life, she had an "Unexpected Family Emergency" come up. (Women are real good for pulling that shit.. Just saying) and so he contacted this show to finally get to meet Abby, who according to her Facebook profile, is a dainty looking slim blonde gal. Fairly easy on the eyes. They chat, he drops the deal that there's this MTV show, I wanna meet ya, blah blah blah.
So she kinda tries to duck the meeting but agrees anyway. So now Georgia dude (Jarrod is his name, just remembered that) goes to Biloxi to meet Abby. They pull up to what looks like a fucking mini barn or an old slave quarters and knock on the
I have done online dating, and I am against it. I believe people should stop being such fucking introverts and go meet people when they go outside. But for Tebow's sake, You can possibly think this catfish shit will work if you try it. Just dumb. Get a life.
* In
To be honest, It wasn't as bad as other car shots we've seen. I could do a slideshow but most of us are reading this at work.
* I'm making Swordfish tonight, Here's the recipe I will be using for Ponzu Sauce:
1/2 cup low-sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon water
1 tablespoon sweet rice wine
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper
Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Cover and chill.
That's all for now. Have a Swimmingly awesome Hump Day today!
December 11, 2012
Why Northern Illinois Going to the Orange Bowl is Awesome
This New Year's Day, I will be proudly watching my favorite College Football team, the Northern Illinois University Huskies play Florida State on ESPN in the Orange Bowl. Just typing that sentence is crazy and awesome because of all of the things that happened to lead up to this game.
For me, this story starts in 1997. I remember being in my room, watching college football on a Saturday when my mom walked in and telling me what she thought was good news. My god-cousin, Vince Thompson, was getting a full ride to NIU. I remember feeling my face drop and if I was swearing back then, I'm sure the first words out of my mouth would have been "You gotta be fucking kidding, right?" but in '97, the first words I uttered was, "They Suck!"
Vince was a multi-sport star athlete and top student at St. Rita High School in Chicago, A Catholic League powerhouse for football (and the shithole I would end up stuck in a decade later) With his great grades and even better on-field numbers, I thought for sure he was a shoe-in to go to either Northwestern or Purdue (which made since because he was into engineering as well) or any other Big 10 or even Big East schools (When the Big East had decent football programs like Syracuse and Miami)
I found out later that he went to Northern for 2 reasons, It was a full ride and he was rejected from Northwestern and Purdue as far as athletic scholarships due to his size (As a Cornerback/Wide Reciever and Return man, he was only 5'7" and 155, very short and small for a D-Back going up against wideouts 6'2" and up)
Despite this, it was still going to be cool to finally get to go see some Division 1-A college football live. Me and my folks and my god-uncle and his wife would load our cars up with food, pop and booze and make the near 3-hour trip to DeKalb and watch the Huskies, well, Pretty much get their asses kicked every home game the first years in 98 and 99 (they were 0-11 in 1997) But this team started showing small improvements, They had some solid players such as WR P.J. Fleck (Who ended up having a cup of coffee with the 49ers for a year) and O-Lineman Ryan Diem (Who went on to be a Super Bowl Champ with the Colts) They also had a power run game led by Thomas Hammock, who would have been a serviceable back on Sundays had he not had a heart condition that ended his career. My Cousin wasn't too bad either, Leading the Mid-American Conference one season with 5 Interceptions and was mentioned as a player to watch out for in 2002 for the Nagurski Award.
The Huskies had started to win a few games here and there along the way, and once Vince graduated from NIU in '03, they had a blueprint to draw with for the future. Power running football with a solid defense that can make key stops and takeaways. They made a big jump and splash in 2003, beating Maryland at home in OT on regional TV, then beating ranked Alabama on the road (No easy task the last 20 years) and also beating Iowa State. It was weird to finally see NIU games on TV every other weekend and hear ESPN mention them in the polls and on broadcasts. They even cracked the bottom of this newfangled system they call the Bowl Championship Series for a week. Then they lost some conference games late and that was the end of it. The 2003 team went 10-2 and didn't even get invited to a bowl game. All of the hard work and dedication those men put in went for nought.
However, Under the leadership of Coach Joe Novak, this club kept winning and eventually made it into some mid-level bowl games. They were turning out some key players too such as Running Backs Garrett Wolfe and Michael Turner, both having good careers in the NFL. They hit a bump in the road and had a bad year in 2007 and Novak decided it was time for a change. He retired and the team signed long time successful coach at Southern Illinois, Jerry Kill.
J. Kill made a significant impact right off the bat in DeKalb. They made it to 3 straight bowl games and was now mentioned year after year in the Chicagoland area right along with the Northwestern's and Illinois's of the state. After dropping the 2010 MAC Title game, and 2 weeks before a bowl bid, Jerry Kill took off and left to go to Minnesota (Big mistake on his part and the Gophers part) and ended up signing coach Dave Doeren to head the team.
Doeren finally did what J.Kill couldn't and Joe Novak never could have imagined in 2 seasons. NIU finally won the MAC Championship Game last season, beating Ohio on a last second field goal. They finished 11-3 and won another bowl game. This season, with the arm and legs of QB Jordan Lynch, The Huskies, after dropping a close game against Iowa at Soldier Field, went on an absolute assault, crushing everyone the rest of their season, winning a second straight MAC Title, and because of how bad a ton of big schools were this year along with good programs facing bowl bans, The Dog finally got it's shot. Northern Illinois is about to play a meaningful New Year's Day Bowl Game versus a big conference school.
So while Kirk Herbstreit can be a conceited prick and think that this game is a "Joke" match-up, the System that he and so many of these brainless assholes in college football thinks works to pick a National Champion, is why NIU is in the Orange Bowl. But in reality, it's way more than that. It was the work of Tons of Players, Coaches and Staff from the last 15-16 seasons that made this happen. Guys who went un-noticed and never made a dent in any draft talks, Guys like Doug Free, Dan Sheldon, Vinson Renyolds, Steve Azar, Chandler Harnish, Benji Peacock, Chris Finlen, Marlon Rucker, Darrell Hill and Vince Thompson. Guys who weren't exactly Blue-Chip recruits or 1st Round Picks, but men who played their hearts out and transformed a shitty football program at a western suburban college outside of Chicago, into a school that could change the landscape of midwestern football in the 21st Century. This bowl game is for those guys who worked and bled and made strides but never made it this far. And while my God-Uncle is no longer here on earth with us, I know he'll be looking down in Miami January 1st, wearing his Huskie fleece pullover, watching what none of us ever thought would happen back in 1997.
For me, this story starts in 1997. I remember being in my room, watching college football on a Saturday when my mom walked in and telling me what she thought was good news. My god-cousin, Vince Thompson, was getting a full ride to NIU. I remember feeling my face drop and if I was swearing back then, I'm sure the first words out of my mouth would have been "You gotta be fucking kidding, right?" but in '97, the first words I uttered was, "They Suck!"
Vince was a multi-sport star athlete and top student at St. Rita High School in Chicago, A Catholic League powerhouse for football (and the shithole I would end up stuck in a decade later) With his great grades and even better on-field numbers, I thought for sure he was a shoe-in to go to either Northwestern or Purdue (which made since because he was into engineering as well) or any other Big 10 or even Big East schools (When the Big East had decent football programs like Syracuse and Miami)
I found out later that he went to Northern for 2 reasons, It was a full ride and he was rejected from Northwestern and Purdue as far as athletic scholarships due to his size (As a Cornerback/Wide Reciever and Return man, he was only 5'7" and 155, very short and small for a D-Back going up against wideouts 6'2" and up)
Despite this, it was still going to be cool to finally get to go see some Division 1-A college football live. Me and my folks and my god-uncle and his wife would load our cars up with food, pop and booze and make the near 3-hour trip to DeKalb and watch the Huskies, well, Pretty much get their asses kicked every home game the first years in 98 and 99 (they were 0-11 in 1997) But this team started showing small improvements, They had some solid players such as WR P.J. Fleck (Who ended up having a cup of coffee with the 49ers for a year) and O-Lineman Ryan Diem (Who went on to be a Super Bowl Champ with the Colts) They also had a power run game led by Thomas Hammock, who would have been a serviceable back on Sundays had he not had a heart condition that ended his career. My Cousin wasn't too bad either, Leading the Mid-American Conference one season with 5 Interceptions and was mentioned as a player to watch out for in 2002 for the Nagurski Award.
The Huskies had started to win a few games here and there along the way, and once Vince graduated from NIU in '03, they had a blueprint to draw with for the future. Power running football with a solid defense that can make key stops and takeaways. They made a big jump and splash in 2003, beating Maryland at home in OT on regional TV, then beating ranked Alabama on the road (No easy task the last 20 years) and also beating Iowa State. It was weird to finally see NIU games on TV every other weekend and hear ESPN mention them in the polls and on broadcasts. They even cracked the bottom of this newfangled system they call the Bowl Championship Series for a week. Then they lost some conference games late and that was the end of it. The 2003 team went 10-2 and didn't even get invited to a bowl game. All of the hard work and dedication those men put in went for nought.
However, Under the leadership of Coach Joe Novak, this club kept winning and eventually made it into some mid-level bowl games. They were turning out some key players too such as Running Backs Garrett Wolfe and Michael Turner, both having good careers in the NFL. They hit a bump in the road and had a bad year in 2007 and Novak decided it was time for a change. He retired and the team signed long time successful coach at Southern Illinois, Jerry Kill.
J. Kill made a significant impact right off the bat in DeKalb. They made it to 3 straight bowl games and was now mentioned year after year in the Chicagoland area right along with the Northwestern's and Illinois's of the state. After dropping the 2010 MAC Title game, and 2 weeks before a bowl bid, Jerry Kill took off and left to go to Minnesota (Big mistake on his part and the Gophers part) and ended up signing coach Dave Doeren to head the team.
Doeren finally did what J.Kill couldn't and Joe Novak never could have imagined in 2 seasons. NIU finally won the MAC Championship Game last season, beating Ohio on a last second field goal. They finished 11-3 and won another bowl game. This season, with the arm and legs of QB Jordan Lynch, The Huskies, after dropping a close game against Iowa at Soldier Field, went on an absolute assault, crushing everyone the rest of their season, winning a second straight MAC Title, and because of how bad a ton of big schools were this year along with good programs facing bowl bans, The Dog finally got it's shot. Northern Illinois is about to play a meaningful New Year's Day Bowl Game versus a big conference school.
So while Kirk Herbstreit can be a conceited prick and think that this game is a "Joke" match-up, the System that he and so many of these brainless assholes in college football thinks works to pick a National Champion, is why NIU is in the Orange Bowl. But in reality, it's way more than that. It was the work of Tons of Players, Coaches and Staff from the last 15-16 seasons that made this happen. Guys who went un-noticed and never made a dent in any draft talks, Guys like Doug Free, Dan Sheldon, Vinson Renyolds, Steve Azar, Chandler Harnish, Benji Peacock, Chris Finlen, Marlon Rucker, Darrell Hill and Vince Thompson. Guys who weren't exactly Blue-Chip recruits or 1st Round Picks, but men who played their hearts out and transformed a shitty football program at a western suburban college outside of Chicago, into a school that could change the landscape of midwestern football in the 21st Century. This bowl game is for those guys who worked and bled and made strides but never made it this far. And while my God-Uncle is no longer here on earth with us, I know he'll be looking down in Miami January 1st, wearing his Huskie fleece pullover, watching what none of us ever thought would happen back in 1997.
December 7, 2012
Grab Bag #16: Boxing, Booze and Broads. Yeah. I like that combo.
* This Saturday, Boxing Great Manny Pacquiao is facing Juan Manuel Marquez for the 4th time in their epic rivalry. This clash for modern boxing fans is our answer to the throwback slugfests of Sugar Ray Leonard vs Roberto Duran or Arturo Gatti vs Mickey Ward. This will be a fight to watch. If you aren't into boxing, you should start watching with this fight. Or check out this cool video. And this video
* Holiday time is upon us, and you're probably gonna go home to see family or invite family over. And 9.9 out of 10 families are fucking crazy, Here's something to ease the insanity (maybe)
*Rangpur Rickey
- 2 Shots Tanqueray Rangpur (Lime) Gin
- 1 ounce Lime Juice
- 1/ 2 ounce simple syrup
- dash of Soda Water
Build in a rocks glass and serve with a Lime Wedge
*Johnnie Walker Black Label Neat
- 1 1/2 shots Johnnie Walker Black Label
Pour in a glass and serve with a side glass of water
*Baileys Spiced Cake Martini
2 Shots Bailey's Hazelnut
1 shot Smirnoff Iced Cake Vodka
1 sprinkle Nutmeg
Shake and strain into martini glass, sprinkle with nutmeg
*Speaking of wonderful and tastey things, (Send the kids out of the room) I always like to recap what I've done after I get through having sex. So last week, I was with this girl, running my usual routine and I realised some more observations:
1: I get the appeal of Doggy Style, but I'm not overly crazy about it. As a larger gentleman, either I have to get into this weird Victory / Tebowing pose or I have to just push her down like a ramp and it's just not as fun as porn makes it out to be.
2. I use regular ribbed condoms, they work for their dual purposes and feel nice, But I understand flavored condoms. It's weird when you're banging and then when you switch positions, you take a small break by going back down on her and you taste straight plastic
3. Smile! and Laugh! Sex is so much fun, why would you not laugh a little bit? I know whenever I'm having a great time, I'm all smiles and giggles.
*Hey wanna get me something for X-mas? This would be awesome!
Talk to ya later, Boneless Wings conclusion coming this weekend (Get Excited!)
* Holiday time is upon us, and you're probably gonna go home to see family or invite family over. And 9.9 out of 10 families are fucking crazy, Here's something to ease the insanity (maybe)
*Rangpur Rickey
- 2 Shots Tanqueray Rangpur (Lime) Gin
- 1 ounce Lime Juice
- 1/ 2 ounce simple syrup
- dash of Soda Water
Build in a rocks glass and serve with a Lime Wedge
*Johnnie Walker Black Label Neat
- 1 1/2 shots Johnnie Walker Black Label
Pour in a glass and serve with a side glass of water
*Baileys Spiced Cake Martini
2 Shots Bailey's Hazelnut
1 shot Smirnoff Iced Cake Vodka
1 sprinkle Nutmeg
Shake and strain into martini glass, sprinkle with nutmeg
*Speaking of wonderful and tastey things, (Send the kids out of the room) I always like to recap what I've done after I get through having sex. So last week, I was with this girl, running my usual routine and I realised some more observations:
1: I get the appeal of Doggy Style, but I'm not overly crazy about it. As a larger gentleman, either I have to get into this weird Victory / Tebowing pose or I have to just push her down like a ramp and it's just not as fun as porn makes it out to be.
2. I use regular ribbed condoms, they work for their dual purposes and feel nice, But I understand flavored condoms. It's weird when you're banging and then when you switch positions, you take a small break by going back down on her and you taste straight plastic
3. Smile! and Laugh! Sex is so much fun, why would you not laugh a little bit? I know whenever I'm having a great time, I'm all smiles and giggles.
*Hey wanna get me something for X-mas? This would be awesome!
Talk to ya later, Boneless Wings conclusion coming this weekend (Get Excited!)
November 20, 2012
A Rant: Thanksgiving in Black & White
So, Thursday is Thanksgiving, and for the 1st time, I will be cooking for the holiday as a result of staying in town and not flying home. I am grilling turkey breasts (because it's not blizzard like conditions yet) and I'm doing sweet potatoes and a corn dish that is a newer family tradition of mine.
Since Thanksgiving is a family holiday, many folks cook traditional fare related to their heritage of sorts. For example, I grew up with traditional southern black foods like Chit'lins (Chitterlings for you non-coloreds) and Collard greens as part of dinner. Lots of folks find that really weird (I do too. There's no real reason to choose to eat pig intestines, it made sense 200 years during slavery).
Upon looking up ideas for side dishes online, I noticed a lot of cranberry everything. I just find it funny no one gives a shit about cranberries outside of juice with vodka until this weekend, and then everyone and they mama wants to buy that damn can of cranberry sauce or make a cranberry chutney topping something. Then there's the, as I call them, "one-off" Vegetables. Shit like parsnips and brussel sprouts and cauliflower. Basically vegetables that you hear kids feeding to their dogs off the plate. Growing up, None of my friends ate any of this stuff for Thanksgiving. Mashed potatoes is a regular every day staple in most homes. (I grew up with baked potatoes) Macaroni and Cheese is a big thing in my family, Sweet Potatoes are a yearly staple as well. Most of my (white) friends say they don't care for sweet potato pies or whipped sweet potatoes. And I realised, once I looked up other recipes, that some jackass back in the day thought adding marshmallows to them would be a great idea. Wrong. All you need is butter, sugar, nutmeg and some vanilla extract. That's it. No cinnamon, No whipped cream and No Fuckin Marshmallows!
And what is the obsession with Stuffing and Casserole? Nothing sounds worse than dry ass cornbread mixed with veggies shoved in a turkey's hole. And it's not much better shoved in a baking pan either. Green beans were ment to be either boiled or fried and salted, not thrown in an oven with cheese and canned onion peels (don't even get me started with those flavorless pieces of nothing)
Whatever you and your family chow down on this Thanksgiving, I wish you all a safe, fun, and tastey holiday weekend. Watch some football and for fuck's sake, No Marshmallows!
October 25, 2012
hiatus...
Over the last several months, I have been trying to work on building myself back within the local music scene. I had gone back to writing poetry and working on my compilation of basslines and poems, titled "BassPoetry" and I have also tried to start up or work with some new artists and projects in the area.
While I understand the task of starting up from scratch, I realised recently that my heart and motivation for music is no longer what it once was. After my stepping down from my old project, I realized that the amount of work that I have put into music over parts of nearly 14 years have never came close to being reciprocated. That goes the same for the artists in which I have managed.
At 23, I realise that while there is a lot of life left to live, time is running short as to building a career and a path for the future. So I am talking this time to announce my indefinite leave of absence from the world of music. While I know that being in one city doesn't mean a career can't be formed somewhere else, I know that if I can't keep motivated and find people fully dedicated to music in a city that is known for a so-called strong music scene, then it would be more of a headache to try and pull it off anywhere else.
I know a few people will be disappointed to hear this news, mostly my family, who never had the chance to see me perform live, for which I am truly sorry for. And to the people who I'm currently working with on a social media capacity, I do apologize for this sudden dismissal from my work, but I will work with you all to make the transition smooth and easy.
It is time for me to move into a new chapter of life, and sadly, peforming and recording music seems far away from that new chapter. Perhaps at some point in life, music will find it way back in on a perfomance level, but I have other things I need to work on in the coming months.
In closing, I would like to thank every single person who has ever heard me perform live or in recording, all of you who have supported me in my 14 years of playing music, you mean the world to me and I thank you so much for enjoying the ride.
Alex B. Smith
October 23, 2012
Obvious Relationship Advice for the Oblivious
People have always come to me for different types of advice, but I was always stunned with people would ask me about advice with relationship and dating. People who know me well have heard of my string of luck in that department but yet people still ask me.
Well some shit that I've seen and have been involved with I can tell you about, but this shit is so damn obvious, that honestly, you should already see this if you are paying attention.
Situation #1 involves people I know from out of town. A guy I know (We'll call him Boyfriend for chart purposes) is dating a lady (Girlfriend) in which they work together (hardly ever a good thing to begin with). However, it's quite clear that the said lady really likes another dude (Gentleman) who is also a co-worker at their office. It's now to the point of where when they all hang out after work, Girlfriend has a few too many and starts hitting on Gentleman, which rightfully pisses off Boyfriend, but Boyfriend gets mad at Gentleman instead of Girlfriend. 2 weeks ago, Gentleman and Girlfriend hang out together at a bar. (Keep in mind, despite all of the flirting, Gentleman has Not slept with Girlfriend, which explains his chart name) Boyfriend gets furious and blows up Girlfriend's phone, which she isn't answering, eventually leaving Boyfriend to find Girlfriend at another mutual friend's house, where she was staying because she was too drunk to drive. Gentleman had left for the evening (avoiding the confrontation, he nearly fought Boyfriend at their job a month earlier) Boyfriend eventually picks up Girlfriend and they argue all the way home.
Advice For Boyfriend: It's pretty fucking clear that for your girlfriend to be hitting on another man that you work with and consider somewhat a friend, she obviously doesn't care about you as a boyfriend. And instead of getting pissed at Gentleman (Who could have become Asshole by fucking your GF) you should probably dump your Girlfriend.
Advice For Girlfriend: You need to get your shit together and fucking figure out who you really care about and want to be with. You are being rude to your boyfriend and dragging along Gentleman isn't cool, especially when he's being nice to you and as courteous as possible to Boyfriend.
Advice For Gentleman: You've done a nice job with the circumstance. Me, I'm an asshole and I would have banged Girlfriend's brains out, but you kept it classy. Personally, I would dodge this whole shitstorm and not bother with either one of them outside of work.
Situation #2 involves a Guy (Boyfriend) a Girl (Girlfriend) and an asshole (Asshole or Ass for short)
Boyfriend and Girlfriend have been dating for a little bit, and Girlfriend moves in recently. First weekend she's in town, she meets Asshole and they become friends. Asshole at first doesn't know that Girlfriend has said title. He however does find out upon meeting Boyfriend and now he becomes an Ass. Boyfriend has made it very clear that he is a jealous and passive person and now Asshole smells blood. He keeps texting Girlfriend, who is oblivious to the fact that Ass is hitting on her. Asshole goes out to the bars with both BF and GF and basically plays what I like to call Two-Way Flirting. He goes on the offensive by making contact with Girlfriend every chance he can and plays defense by keeping Boyfriend at bay (usually with friendly conversation and alcohol) In fact, Asshole had a perfect opportunity to be a real dick when he had Girlfriend at his spot drunk and Boyfriend was upset about it and nearly left her there in a fit of rage. However, Asshole isn't trying to be Creeper, he actually likes Girlfriend and so he pumped the brakes at that point. One night un-related, Boyfriend and Girlfriend have an argument which leads to a break-up (temporary one at that but still) Asshole hears this news and basically alters his style to a more classic approach. However, before Asshole has a chance to be more legit about the situation, they get back together. Eventually Asshole starts to feel bad and he talks to Girlfriend about what he's been doing, she's upset about it and tries to get past it and wants to just be friends with Asshole.
Advice For Boyfriend: You need to man the fuck up and realise when someone is macking on your girl. While Asshole didn't succeed, one day, another dude just might step up and say/do the right shit to steal her off your arm. You never even called out Asshole or try to fight Asshole or anything. It's not robbing the safe in the bank if you leave the keys on the table. Your girlfriend probably deserves better, like a dude who will pay attention to her and not just flip out like a 5 year old girl. Be lucky Girlfriend loves you and is still with you. Don't get mad. Do better.
Advice for Girlfriend: You kept everything honest with everyone, which is what you were supposed to do. I would say just be a little more attentive to guys who come around you in the future. And probably you should ask yourself, How attentive is my Boyfriend, and why didn't he do anything if he realised what Asshole was doing. Not to get all medieval or anything but shouldn't boyfriends try to protect their girlfriends?
Advice for Asshole: You walked into a trap of sorts at the beginning, the classic "You can't tell if they are really seriously dating or not" But once you found out what was up, something bad snapped in you. It happens. Like I said to Boyfriend, it's nor robbery if you leave the safe keys on the table, you took a long shot bet on a woman you liked and it failed. Dust yourself off and try someone else and don't be an asshole like that. Go search for single women (MUCH Easier said than done, but you can't go buying cars out of people's garages)
So yeah, that's my Obvious advice for now. If anyone else has any situations or stories they want to e-mail to me and I can review them with my advice, send it to me at courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com
Well some shit that I've seen and have been involved with I can tell you about, but this shit is so damn obvious, that honestly, you should already see this if you are paying attention.
Situation #1 involves people I know from out of town. A guy I know (We'll call him Boyfriend for chart purposes) is dating a lady (Girlfriend) in which they work together (hardly ever a good thing to begin with). However, it's quite clear that the said lady really likes another dude (Gentleman) who is also a co-worker at their office. It's now to the point of where when they all hang out after work, Girlfriend has a few too many and starts hitting on Gentleman, which rightfully pisses off Boyfriend, but Boyfriend gets mad at Gentleman instead of Girlfriend. 2 weeks ago, Gentleman and Girlfriend hang out together at a bar. (Keep in mind, despite all of the flirting, Gentleman has Not slept with Girlfriend, which explains his chart name) Boyfriend gets furious and blows up Girlfriend's phone, which she isn't answering, eventually leaving Boyfriend to find Girlfriend at another mutual friend's house, where she was staying because she was too drunk to drive. Gentleman had left for the evening (avoiding the confrontation, he nearly fought Boyfriend at their job a month earlier) Boyfriend eventually picks up Girlfriend and they argue all the way home.
Advice For Boyfriend: It's pretty fucking clear that for your girlfriend to be hitting on another man that you work with and consider somewhat a friend, she obviously doesn't care about you as a boyfriend. And instead of getting pissed at Gentleman (Who could have become Asshole by fucking your GF) you should probably dump your Girlfriend.
Advice For Girlfriend: You need to get your shit together and fucking figure out who you really care about and want to be with. You are being rude to your boyfriend and dragging along Gentleman isn't cool, especially when he's being nice to you and as courteous as possible to Boyfriend.
Advice For Gentleman: You've done a nice job with the circumstance. Me, I'm an asshole and I would have banged Girlfriend's brains out, but you kept it classy. Personally, I would dodge this whole shitstorm and not bother with either one of them outside of work.
Situation #2 involves a Guy (Boyfriend) a Girl (Girlfriend) and an asshole (Asshole or Ass for short)
Boyfriend and Girlfriend have been dating for a little bit, and Girlfriend moves in recently. First weekend she's in town, she meets Asshole and they become friends. Asshole at first doesn't know that Girlfriend has said title. He however does find out upon meeting Boyfriend and now he becomes an Ass. Boyfriend has made it very clear that he is a jealous and passive person and now Asshole smells blood. He keeps texting Girlfriend, who is oblivious to the fact that Ass is hitting on her. Asshole goes out to the bars with both BF and GF and basically plays what I like to call Two-Way Flirting. He goes on the offensive by making contact with Girlfriend every chance he can and plays defense by keeping Boyfriend at bay (usually with friendly conversation and alcohol) In fact, Asshole had a perfect opportunity to be a real dick when he had Girlfriend at his spot drunk and Boyfriend was upset about it and nearly left her there in a fit of rage. However, Asshole isn't trying to be Creeper, he actually likes Girlfriend and so he pumped the brakes at that point. One night un-related, Boyfriend and Girlfriend have an argument which leads to a break-up (temporary one at that but still) Asshole hears this news and basically alters his style to a more classic approach. However, before Asshole has a chance to be more legit about the situation, they get back together. Eventually Asshole starts to feel bad and he talks to Girlfriend about what he's been doing, she's upset about it and tries to get past it and wants to just be friends with Asshole.
Advice For Boyfriend: You need to man the fuck up and realise when someone is macking on your girl. While Asshole didn't succeed, one day, another dude just might step up and say/do the right shit to steal her off your arm. You never even called out Asshole or try to fight Asshole or anything. It's not robbing the safe in the bank if you leave the keys on the table. Your girlfriend probably deserves better, like a dude who will pay attention to her and not just flip out like a 5 year old girl. Be lucky Girlfriend loves you and is still with you. Don't get mad. Do better.
Advice for Girlfriend: You kept everything honest with everyone, which is what you were supposed to do. I would say just be a little more attentive to guys who come around you in the future. And probably you should ask yourself, How attentive is my Boyfriend, and why didn't he do anything if he realised what Asshole was doing. Not to get all medieval or anything but shouldn't boyfriends try to protect their girlfriends?
Advice for Asshole: You walked into a trap of sorts at the beginning, the classic "You can't tell if they are really seriously dating or not" But once you found out what was up, something bad snapped in you. It happens. Like I said to Boyfriend, it's nor robbery if you leave the safe keys on the table, you took a long shot bet on a woman you liked and it failed. Dust yourself off and try someone else and don't be an asshole like that. Go search for single women (MUCH Easier said than done, but you can't go buying cars out of people's garages)
So yeah, that's my Obvious advice for now. If anyone else has any situations or stories they want to e-mail to me and I can review them with my advice, send it to me at courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com
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