Grab Bag #20: Catching Up on TV, March Madness, St. Pat's Day

Been awhile since I've posted. Missed the One-Year Anniversary of CSTH. Thanks to the Thousands of you who have shared in my posts over the last dozen months. I will do my best to check in more and write stuff.

* TV Recap: The 2 shows I'm currently watching now are just getting really fucking crazy. The Carrie Diaries and Girls. BIG FUCKING SPOILER ALERT - DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THEM YET... I Warned You:

On TCD, Everything just hit the fucking fan, Carrie breaks up with George, Sebastian breaks up with Donna because he likes Carrie and has Mouse help him try to find her (which only leads to failure and a towed car) then Donna goes after Walt because she knows Maggie's secret fling with the cop, which Walt finds out about and then leads to him and Donna dating. But the biggest part of the recent episode is Carrie finally gets busted by her dad about her Manhattan life and now has lost both of her internships. It's just still weird to see Carrie being this controlled person because she's just 16. It fills in gaps of how she became the later version we all know and love (we even see her first Cosmo order) but there are still some holes in the story. It was nice to Not See her bitch-brat sister Dorrit in this episode, hopefully they keep that trend going.

As for Girls, we finally learn that Hannah is legitimately crazy, not just crazy. Her OCD has "Come Back" apparently, but really it's more of a nervous breakdown considering all of the shit that she has going on. Meanwhile, Charlie pulls the badass move that myself and anyone who's ever been shot down or dumped would love to pull, He sold an app to a company and now has a business that has turned him into a rich big shot, making Marnie feel like the stupid bitch she is for playing him on the fence. We later find out that she has a hidden talent, she has a really good voice, which we wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Ray getting fed up of listening to her shit and asking her what her dream in life was. He was at home waiting for Shosh to get back from her party at Rodica's (some chick who rollerblades) but their argument and Rodica's lack of interest led to Shosh (who was looking pretty hot, except for her permanent bad hair day deal) making out with a doorman.

* One of my favorite events is on the way. March Madness in College Basketball is starting up this week. From the small conference tournaments to the larger programs, to the Big Dance and even the NIT, this is a fun time to watch sports and bet on them as well. Even the person who can't tell you where Idaho State is located (Pocatello, Idaho) or the nickname of Coastal Carolina (Chanticleers) has a chance at winning the Office Pool at your job or school. So do some research or call a friend who knows this stuff *Cough, Cough* and toss 20 bucks in and indulge in the Madness.

* Another magical event, my favorite holiday, is also around the corner. Saint Patrick's Day is in 2 weeks. And this year will be better than last year for a couple of reasons. For starters, I am not on the verge of death like last year (I had an infected gallbladder around March 17th still) and the Parade here in St. Paul will be on a Saturday for a 2nd straight year (some stupid shit about parades can't be on Sundays. That's the best fucking day for a parade, Plus Grand Old Days is on a Sunday, but I digress) So there will be about 48 hours worth of drinking, so it should be a wonderful weekend.

Grab Bag 19: A Redemption Story and Betting on the Next Pope

* Usually ESPN will throw out a story on SportsCenter or College Gameday and it will be some sob tearjerker about a Coaches' sick kid or a special needs kid in H.S. making a trick shot, and it's really just shown for rating's sake, But one story that the Worldwide Sports Leader should tell is one of their own current workers, Analyst Jay Williams. Bulls fans like me remember Jay for being the dumbass who crashed his bike on the North Side and ruined his career, as well as wasting our #2 draft pick in 2002 (Yao Ming went 1st... so Jay wasn't the biggest bust ever) But this New York Times article tells the true story of the struggles and obstacles he overcame to get where he is now. This is a must-read, feel-good story. After reading this, I have a new respect for Jay and I have personally forgiven him for his mistake a decade ago. Plus the lucky S.O.B is dating Charissa Thompson.

* So, for those who follow this kind of stuff, Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down from his Grand Wizard  World Heavyweight Title  Holy Seat at the end of the month. I was trapped in Catholic High School when he was named Pope, and as the house bookie, I drew up real odds on who would be the next in line. Benedict (Real Name: Joe Ratzinger) cashed in at 5/2 odds (only 2 kids won if I can recall)

Without further ado, here are my quoted odds for the next Pope:

Cardinal Angelo Bagansco (Real Cardinal in Italy) 8/5

Father Guido Sarducci (Chain-smoking priest) 75 - 1

Benny Hinn (Scammy Arab Pastor) 100 - 1

Creflo Dollar (Scammy Black Preacher) 125 - 1

Father Michael Pfleger (Chicago Pastor/Activist) 300 - 1

Spirit of Truth Minster (Flowin' from the Survival Scrolls, Biatch!) 475 - 1

Chris Berman (ESPN Patriarch) 500 - 1

Ozzy Osbourne (Prince of Darkness) 666 - 1

Sally Field (former Flying Nun) 1250 - 1

Horse Head Guy during Hurricane Sandy (Badass) 1500 - 1

Jesus (Might be a good time for a comeback, right?) 3500 - 1

The One and Only Post I'll Ever Write About The WNBA, I Promise

Ok, so one event you didn't notice happening this week unless you are a degenerate gambler (cough, cough) or you have a family member involved is the start of the WNBA Playoffs. Now, I can't call myself a fan of this league. I was pissed at the lame name choice of the Chicago Sky, and even more upset that we ended up with Denver Nuggets colors. The lack of dunking from women taller than me is absurd. The amount of passing in a play reminds me of 4th grade "Everyone Touch The Ball" rules. This league needs fixing to become credible.

Of all the criticism these women get, the harshest (and unfortunately, the most truthful) is that most of them aren't exactly runway models in the visual department. While that is an unfair balance, considering you're seeing them in full game action (where looks mean jackshit) there actually are some good looking women in the league. Here's my list of 5 WNBA Players I'd Watch:

1. Lauren Jackson (Center - Seattle Storm)

They call her the "Thunder from Down Under", and I could go off on a tangent that would be classless even for Courtside Seats to Hell standards. But this Aussie beauty has been tearing up the court on the pro ranks since she was 16. With 2 WNBA Titles, 3 MVP Trophies and a host of records under her belt, L. J. has mad skills on the court. This is one tall glass of water I would gulp down anyday of the week (Did I mention she's 6'5")

2. Sammy Prahalis (Guard - Phoenix Mercury)

One of those random winter nights when I'm drunk at home flipping through channels at night, I remember stopping on ESPN2 and seeing this short, raven-haired chick raining 3's like it was NBA Jam Tournament Edition. Upon further review (Google search) I learned about Miss Samantha Prahalis, then Ohio State guard, who at the time was dating Buckeye Stud turned mediocre NBA body Evan Turner. Nowadays, Sammy is hooping in the Desert with the Phoenix Mercury.

3. Leilani Mitchell (Guard - New York Liberty)

OK, I'm gonna be flat out honest with you guys, I didn't learn about her until researching this topic 30 minutes before typing this, but I'm really upset that the Liberty just got swept out of the playoffs now after seeing her. This Australian-Indian-Filipino blend of beauty led the WNBA in 3-Point Percentage one season, and according to Wikipedia, "She developed a strong fan following and a reputation for fearlessness in grabbing loose balls and occasionally driving to the basket." I'd gladly take a charge in the paint from her.

4. Brittany Jackson (Guard - Atlanta Dream)

Another player I'd never heard of but will be keeping my eyes on, Miss Jackson is shooting from beyond the arc down in the ATL after playing 4 years under the Legendary Pat Summit. She also doubles time as a model. I would type more but I'm too busy browsing her photos

5. Candice Parker (Forward - Los Angeles Sparks)

Miss Parker is one of the few ladies in the WNBA to successfully complete a dunk in a game. That alone is worth watching, but she's quite the looker as well. Married to Brooklyn Net Sheldon Williams, this Chicago-Born gal grew up idolizing Ron Harper (who looked more like a WNBA player late in his career)

So there you have it, basically the Starting 5 I would run out if I had the revenue-sucking task of operating a WNBA franchise. I don't even know how in the fuck I was able to spend nearly an hour of life talking about Women's Hoops. This only solidifies the fact that I am a sports junkie and that I should look for another dayjob that takes up more time of my life.

The funniest part of it all is that this started as a Facebook post about how women look better than men in basketball jerseys, Unless said man is actually playing basketball. To see grown (and usually overweight) men wearing basketball jerseys in the stands just screams Inferiority Complex to me. I think of Steve Brady from Sex and the City, trying for hours to hit a half-court shot at a ballyard in the park while wearing a practice reversable. If you are 13 or younger, walking around with your favorite NBA or NCAA team's jersey is cool and acceptable, but once you hit high school, that better be your name and number on the back of that shit.

One more great tidbit, I know every WNBA team name, even the ones who dont exist anymore (R.I.P Charlotte Sting & Cleveland Rockers)