Farewell...

A part of history took place on Thursday night in the Bronx as a Baseball Legend ended his reign at the only ballpark he's ever called Home on a game-winning base hit. Derek Jeter has been one of the game's most iconic players, and there was no other way his last game in Yankee Stadium could end without him making another magical hit, like he's done countless times in his 20-year career while donning pinstripes. On Saturday night, another legend of the game will say farewell to his longtime ballclub. Chicago White Sox slugger Paul Konerko will be honored throughout the evening on the South Side as he plays his last game of his storied career.

Now, as big of a Sox fan as I am, I know that Jeter's farewell is much larger than Paulie's. However, these are two great ballplayers who deserve all of the accolades and praise that will come from these farewell engagements. Many people can tell you where they were when they saw many of Derek Jeter's classic moments. His Homer in the 2001 World Series at the stroke of Midnight, crowning him as "Mr. November", or his epic leap into the stands against his rival Boston in 2007, or his record-breaking hit to make him the Yankees' all-time hit leader (which took place against my Pale Hose a few years ago). However, only a few can tell you about Paulie's great moments. The countless outs he recorded playing at First Base, which didn't end up on SportsCenter reels night after night. Or his majestic bombs out to the left field Bullpen, usually part of piecing together a comeback rally in a Mid-Summer evening affair as opposed to an October night. Oh, but Konerko saved his biggest moment for the Fall, as his iconic Grand Slam in Game 2 of the 2005 World Series will forever be lamented in White Sox lore as the seat in which the ball landed is still the same small blue seat it was during that Championship year.

The numbers are incredible for both competitors, but the reason why we are talking about these moments over and over. The reason why Jeter received gifts in Baltimore and Texas and why Konerko received gifts in Cleveland and Detroit, aren't just because of how well they played against those cities' ballclubs. It's because in the time and era in which they played, through the era clouded by Steroids, Contract disputes, Mega-Trades and a general decline in times for the game of Baseball, these two gentlemen played the right way, gave their all every single play in the field, every single at-bat, and every single second they put on their uniform. And in a time where Sports has been given a bad name by countless individuals who take for granted the opportunities they have, Sir Derek Jeter and Sir Paulie Konerko respected the game and did so with the utmost amount of love and humility.

No player will ever wear #2 in the Bronx again, and I'm fairly certain no player will ever don #14 on the South Side after Sunday's season comes to a close. And it's all with good reason. These two Legends gave us all so many great memories, those numbers will forever be synonymous with their club, their era, and the great game of Baseball.

I think, Derek's nephew Jalen says it best for all of us fans.

Farewell.

Well Now You Know, Miley's A Hoe: My Brief Ranting Recap of Twerkgate

So Sunday Night, on The Channel Formerly Known as Music Television held it's annual Music Video Awards. And talentless Pop artist Miley Cyrus went and did this:

You probably have the same reaction I did after this shitfuckmess was over. What just fucking happened? Who let this high school girl snort painkiller and drink tequila? where is her ass? Why does Robin Thicke look like Beetlejuice? So many questions. I'll answer a couple for you.

1. Society pisses me off. One of the main reasons why we are so sickened/confused/whatever about Miley Cyrus is because she looked horrible in her "twerking" efforts. If she had been 20-25 pounds heavier, we'd be talking about this the same way we were amazed back when J. Lo had on that hot ass dress. But no one is going to say that because the media wants women to look like cocaine is back on the rise. Fucking bullshit.

2. There's a large mass of people who find this shit actually entertaining. Lots of people have problems, I understand that. But this was supposed to be a musical performance, this basically is a shit-show cast off sketch from a small-town Circus.

3. I'm not shocked that the Former "Hannah Montana" has turned into this slut. We all should have seen this coming when she was actually decent looking in a denim miniskirt and cowboy boots. Now she's basically at the point where we'll see a tape of her in a interracial gangbang surface on PornHub within the next 6 months. People take that Disney shit all seriously like that's their real life, You shoulda learned yesterday with Britney Spears' crazy ass. But y'all learned today with this one.

I would like to make one note of light: This whole travashamockery was save by the brief performance from Kendrick Lamar. One of the gems of not only Hip-Hop, but of all Music out right now. Big ups to Kendrick on that. He got robbed for Best Hip-Hop Video. Macklebore and his pissy 99 cent grandpa jacket couldn't hold a candle to anything Mr. Lamar has done.

A Big Bowl of Super

Yesterday was the 47th installment of the Super Bowl, the NFL Championship Game. The Baltimore Ravens are now World Champions after beating the San Fran 49ers on a missed holding call (with the good officials too, not the Foot Locker staff) The game was very entertaining, and so were the Commercials. Here are some of my favorites from yesterday:

1. GoDaddy.com Commercial featuring Danica Patrick, Bar Refaeli and one lucky ass nerd.
Why, oh why couldn't I have been casted for this ad? I have some TV experience. They did 45 takes in this shot. No word on how many times he had to change pants.

2. Geico Commercial featuring Dikembe Mutumbo
Former NBA player Dikembe Mutumbo is everywhere doing what he does best. Very funny for those who remember the 90's star, but still a close 2nd to the Eddie Money bit which debuted at SB 46

3. Audi Commercial featuring the New 2013 Audi S6
Between Walter from the GoDaddy bit, the Ravens (who were +4.5) and this kid, it was a night for the underdogs.

4. Doritos Commercial featuring a Goat
Guy buys a dorito-loving goat. Hilarity ensues.

5. Oreo Commercial - Cookie vs Cream
What happens when a dispute takes place in a library?

6. Mercedes-Benz Commercial featuring Kate Upton Washing a Car in Slow Motion
OK, so it's not #1 because, well it's basically false advertising. But it's on the list because it's still Kate Upton in Slow-Motion. I'll take that anyday.

HONORABLE MENTION: This should have aired last night and it would have been #2 for sure.

My First Real Rant of 2013.

OK, so It's the last day of the first month of 2013. I don't have any real serious issues about life at the moment like usual. I have had some pretty good days so far this year to lead off, but I do have some small complaints on general human life that I'd like to get off of my chest.

* Tonight, I just left Mickey's Diner. The World Famous "Mighty Ducks Restaurant where Charlie's Mom Worked" in Downtown Saint Paul. it's 1:45am. I walk in to see a fellow Chicagoan eating with his woman and child, while wearing a Blackhawks jersey (they played here, lost in a shootout) and he's blasted drunk, cursing about him also losing his job as well as us "Sucking" tonight (Hawks actually played well against a good Wild team. fucking moron.) He eventually accosts 4 tourists from Chicagoland who were at the game, and disrupts their late night meal and even threatened two of my good friends who walked in about a milkshake (an incident I learned about after he left because I would have decked him at that point myself)  I'm just sick and fucking tired of people who make my city look bad, be it here or back at home. It's so sad and embarassing to see the death and struggle and crime in my hometown, and for fucking morons from their to make themselves look bad while representing our proud city and our sports teams makes me fucking sick. (For the record, said asshole is also a Cubs fan. explains a bit more)


* I've been watching this show "Girls" that comes on HBO. I'm catching up online because I refuse to spend any more cash on cable in this year than I have to. I'm watching the First Season, really funny shit, very awkward sex scenes but just a generally funny show. And then I hit Episode 4 and 5, when one of the charactors (SORRY, SPOILER ALERT!)  who has had a long going issue with her boyfriend about how he was so into her and that she doesn't love him as much, eventually they breakup after the BF reads the diary of the main character (who is BFF's with the GF) and then the Girlfriend gets mad at her friend, get this. FOR WRITING THIS SHIT IN HER PERSONAL DIARY! Are You Fucking Bleeping Me right now! She got upset because her friend knew the truth about how she felt, and so what does the Girlfriend do, she chases the newly crowned ex-boyfriend, and they talk and she literally begs him to take her back, which leads to this awkward sex scene and she ends up bumping her head on this partition of the bed, as if she has a fucking epiphany, and BAM!, She wants to break up with him. I have never been so mad at a scene from a television show in my entire fucking life as I was when I saw this shit. And what made me sooooo upset about this, is because THIS SHIT REALLY HAPPENS IN REAL FUCKING LIFE!!!! Countless people (mostly women) I Know who have fucking dealt with some bullshit relationship or situation where they are unhappy and yet when they realise it, and do the right thing by ending the relationship, they get sad and fucking hormonal and then decide to change their minds as if AS IF the fucking situation has flipped over like a fucking piece of paper on a windy day and that everything is cute, cool and hunky-fucking-dorey now after that happened. THE. DUMBEST. SHIT. I'VE. EVER/ SEEN. OR. HEARD. EVER! Stop It! Stop subjecting yourself to situations to where you are being treated like dogshit, because eventually, if you keep doing it, you will become the dogshit you are being treated like. Start using that fucking grey matter up top and quit being a dumbass and treat yourself better in life.


* I'm going to end this rant on a note that I've also said before. Mean what you say, and say what you mean, because no one likes a hypocrite, nor does anyone like someone who blames their actions and thoughts on other outside shit. I can outdrink the fucking populous of the neighborhood I live in and I've heard 3 different people in 24 hours blame shit they've done on either drinking or being "out of it" Get your fucking shit together and stop using anything, be it person or substance, to blame for anything you've done. If it's a mistake, it's a mistake and own up to it, but be real with the shit. Hide behind something like a coward, fucking fade like a coward.


Thanks folks. Have fun this weekend! Super Bowl is this Sunday! Bet the Niners and the Over!

2012: Reviewed

Well, here we are. We didn't get wiped out by The Rapture that was supposed to go down on 12/21/12, and the Blog is almost a year old. For me, personally, I am sooooo glad 2012 is finishing up. I did not have a wonderful year. I left my old band, and subsequently took a break from music. In March, I had to have an emergency gallbladder removal surgery, and in the last several months, I've had to deal with a serious illness in my family. A few cool things did take place this year however. I made some new friends, started this little blog that you are reading, attended my 500th live sporting event, and re-modeled my apartment. A lot of wild and stupid shit happened too, Such as me recently cracking my front tooth outside of a bar and me almost sleeping with a chick with braces

As far as the world around us, well, there was plenty of bullshit to keep us busy. From Television and Media garbage like Honey Boo Boo, Gangnam Style and 50 Shades of Gray (Bored) to the Election (zzzzzz....) Even sports was crazy this year with the NHL Lockout, the Saints Bounty Scandal and the Replacement Refs in the NFL

Basically, 2012 was a reflective year. A year full of experiences to learn from and use to better ourselves in the future ahead.

Anyways, I want to thank every last single person who has viewed this Blog in 2012. What started as a drunken facebook rant and a nifty idea from a couple of my friends has turned into my soapbox which, based on your responses, have made you laugh, pissed you off, and most importantly, made you think for a little bit. I am happy that I can contribute to your day with the crazy thoughts in my head.

So, raise a glass of something strong and let's toast 2012 goodbye, and to an awesome 2013 ahead.

Have a Happy, Safe and Epic New Year. And like I always remind you, Keep your genitals out of harm's way.

Alex B. Smith
Courtside Seats to Hell

Grab Bag #17: Catfish, Pink Snapper, and Swordfish

It's only fitting that I fell asleep talking to a friend about Seafood, and then I wake up to this shit:


* So, MTV (The Channel Formerly Known as "Music Television") has a new reality show out called Catfish. As you know, I'm 23 going on 46 so I get lost in some of these terms. I didn't know that Catfish is a term for people who make fake profiles on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media site you prefer, and then bait people into having online relationships with them,

In Episode 1 (according to Wikipedia, there will be 12 of these. holy fuck) we have a guy from Georgia who has been talking to a girl named Abigail (Abby) from Biloxi, Miss. They have chatted on Facebook for over a year and have talked on the phone, but haven't met each other. They have had some hardcore messages like (OMG I Luv U Foreverrrrrrr!!! <3 Marry Meeee" kinda shit) But when Georgia dude wanted to meet the love of his life, she had an "Unexpected Family Emergency" come up. (Women are real good for pulling that shit.. Just saying) and so he contacted this show to finally get to meet Abby, who according to her Facebook profile, is a dainty looking slim blonde gal. Fairly easy on the eyes. They chat, he drops the deal that there's this MTV show, I wanna meet ya, blah blah blah.

So she kinda tries to duck the meeting but agrees anyway. So now Georgia dude (Jarrod is his name, just remembered that) goes to Biloxi to meet Abby. They pull up to what looks like a fucking mini barn or an old slave quarters and knock on the stable Front Door and there's no answer. Walk around to the side and there is a brunette standing outside, Not Abby. It's Melissa. The Real Person Jarrod was talking to! It's like the 1-900 Phone Sex Bait and Switch for the 21st Century! Now don't get me wrong, the fact that Melissa isn't like Abby in the photo sense but the fact that she fucking lied to him about EVERYTHING!!! And then blamed it on her self-esteem issues. Um, Lady do you realise this is fucking fraud and could have gotten you into some serious trouble. If you can't face someone then work that issue out on your time, now you dragged this guy's heart through babyshit because you can't  deal with yourself? you selfish stupid bitch. And of course she keeps saying, "But I do care about him" The Fuck You Do! You were another person for a year plus and didn't once ever think this shit would hit the fan.

I have done online dating, and I am against it. I believe people should stop being such fucking introverts and go meet people when they go outside. But for Tebow's sake, You can possibly think this catfish shit will work if you try it. Just dumb. Get a life.

* In creepy Celebrity news, Anne Hathaway (drool) is in the film adaptation of Les Miserables, and at the Red Carpet Premier, not only was she wearing this hot bondage style leather wraparound kinda dress but she left the dessert tray off the pie if you know what I mean, Here's the Safe for Work version (E-mail courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com if you wanna see the other one)

To be honest, It wasn't as bad as other car shots we've seen. I could do a slideshow but most of us are reading this at work.

* I'm making Swordfish tonight, Here's the recipe I will be using for Ponzu Sauce:

1/2 cup low-sodium soy sauce

1/4 cup fresh orange juice

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 tablespoon water

1 tablespoon sweet rice wine

1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper

Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Cover and chill.

That's all for now. Have a Swimmingly awesome Hump Day today!

Grab Bag #14: Fall Time Drinks, Home Shopping Hilarity and some Food Porn (the good kind)

* So, one thing I like to do year-round is change up what I'm drinking. Here are 3 tasty beverages to sip on while it starts to get cooler outside:

Boulevard

2 oz rye whiskey (I like Bulleit Rye)
1/2 oz Grand Marnier® orange liqueur
1/2 oz dry vermouth

Stir with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with flamed orange peel, and serve

Cider Punch

1 1/2 qt hard cider
4 oz Drambuie® Scotch whisky
4 oz dry sherry
2 oz lemon juice
8 oz club soda
3 cored, thinly sliced apples
1 tspgrated nutmeg

Place the cider, Drambuie, sherry, lemon juice and club soda into a large punch bowl, and stir well. Add a large block of ice, then add the slices of apple. Sprinkle nutmeg across the top, and serve. Makes 18 (6-ounce) punch cups.

Bourbon Blackhawk

2 oz bourbon whiskey
1 oz sloe gin
1 maraschino cherry

In a mixing glass half-filled with ice cubes, combine the bourbon and sloe gin. Stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with the cherry.

* Have you guys seen this shit? a lady selling some crap on QVC apparently faints on Live TV and her co-host just keeps talking and selling whatever crap they were getting rid of. Video of it HERE

This is right up there with some of the best home shopping bloopers of all time, like these
Retro Ladder Fail: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZhMfzc9RbU

Sword Fail: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2EQWCpnIR8

Another Ladder Fail: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC70vdm4Al0

* Today, I bought myself and my mom a ton of quality meat and seafood from Omaha Steaks. Their Website is basically a hardcore food porn site for carnivores

Reciever Wins Jumpball, Every Time.

Ok, normally, I won't do game reviews on this blog, but due to the overwhelming response from Twitter and Facebook, I will give you my two cents on last night's Packers-Seahawks ending and the Replacement Refs in the NFL..

Unless you live under a rock or you are too busy (I.E. Lame, Un-American) to follow what's going on in the National Football League, the normal referees are on strike, bitching about not being paid enough (NFL owners are assholes) and so the current replacement refs are from Small College divisions, Top High School states, and even that kinda-hot, kinda-shitty Lingerie Football League

That being said, they are missing a shit ton of calls in the first 3 weeks of the season. They aren't used ot the pace of the league and I knew more about the NFL rulebook when I was 6 then most of these Foot Locker employees know now on the field.

Cut to last night's Monday Night Football match-up between the Green Bay Packers (suck) and the Seattle Seahawks (really shitty team). Seattle wins 14-12 on a Hail Mary Pass by Russell Wilson completed to wideout Golden Tate. What comes down as jumpball, the pass is caught by both Tate and   Packers Cornerback M.D Jennings, and insanity ensues:

After the game, Millions of Packer fans and Packer bettors and people who think they know football wIn Monday's game between the Green Bay Packers and Seattle Seahawks, Seattle faced a 4th-and-10 from the Green Bay 24 with eight seconds remaining in the game.


This is the Official Statement From The NFL (anyone who was with me at Wild Tymes last night heard me say the exact same thing damn near word-for-word)


Seattle quarterback Russell Wilson threw a pass into the end zone. Several players, including Seattle wide receiver Golden Tate and Green Bay safety M.D. Jennings, jumped into the air in an attempt to catch the ball. 

While the ball is in the air, Tate can be seen shoving Green Bay cornerback Sam Shields to the ground. This should have been a penalty for offensive pass interference, which would have ended the game. It was not called and is not reviewable in instant replay. 

When the players hit the ground in the end zone, the officials determined that both Tate and Jennings had possession of the ball. Under the rule for simultaneous catch, the ball belongs to Tate, the offensive player. The result of the play was a touchdown. 

Replay Official Howard Slavin stopped the game for an instant replay review. The aspects of the play that were reviewable included if the ball hit the ground and who had possession of the ball. In the end zone, a ruling of a simultaneous catch is reviewable. That is not the case in the field of play, only in the end zone. 

Referee Wayne Elliott determined that no indisputable visual evidence existed to overturn the call on the field, and as a result, the on-field ruling of touchdown stood. The NFL Officiating Department reviewed the video today and supports the decision not to overturn the on-field ruling following the instant replay review. 

The result of the game is final. 

Applicable rules to the play are as follows: 

A player (or players) jumping in the air has not legally gained possession of the ball until he satisfies the elements of a catch listed here. 

Rule 8, Section 1, Article 3 of the NFL Rule Book defines a catch: 

A forward pass is complete (by the offense) or intercepted (by the defense) if a player, who is inbounds: 

(a) secures control of the ball in his hands or arms prior to the ball touching the ground; and 

(b) touches the ground inbounds with both feet or with any part of his body other than his hands; and 

(c) maintains control of the ball long enough, after (a) and (b) have been fulfilled, to enable him to perform any act common to the game (i.e., maintaining control long enough to pitch it, pass it, advance with it, or avoid or ward off an opponent, etc.). 

When a player (or players) is going to the ground in the attempt to catch a pass, Rule 8, Section 1, Article 3, Item 1 states: 

Player Going to the Ground. If a player goes to the ground in the act of catching a pass (with or without contact by an opponent), he must maintain control of the ball throughout the process of contacting the ground, whether in the field of play or the end zone. If he loses control of the ball, and the ball touches the ground before he regains control, the pass is incomplete. If he regains control prior to the ball touching the ground, the pass is complete. 

Rule 8, Section 1, Article 3, Item 5 states: 

Simultaneous Catch. If a pass is caught simultaneously by two eligible opponents, and both players retain it, the ball belongs to the passers. It is not a simultaneous catch if a player gains control first and an opponent subsequently gains joint control. If the ball is muffed after simultaneous touching by two such players, all the players of the passing team become eligible to catch the loose ball.ent to the Facebook and the Twitter and said, "That was an interception, what a fucking garbage call, dumb fake refs!"


What the Real Missed call here is Tate Pushing down Green Bay safety Sam Shields, which should have been offensive pass interference, leading to a 15 yard backpedal, which would have probably ended the game 12-7 Packers final.

But the deal is, from the 4 camera angles repeated Ad Nauseam on ESPN, 2 angles show the interference, 2 don't. The regular officials wouldn't have made a difference here. They only have one set of eyes per person and could have missed that call just as well. Instant Replay, you ask? Can't challenge the ruling of a penalty.

So while I agree with everyone about how bad these crackerjack referees are, I don't want to hear anything else about "It was an interception" because it wasn't. If you want to be mad about something, get mad about the Packer O-Line letting Aaron Rodgers lay on his back the whole first half, or the fact that they don't have a decent run game

For the record, I bet the Under in this game. #Winning.

Never Forget...

11 Years ago on a Tuesday, our lives were changed forever. I just want to thank all of the men and women in the military, firefighters, medical staff and police of this nation, who take on the tasks of keeping all of us safe. And thoughts are with those who perished on that terrible day in New York. #neverforget #9-11-01


If You Know A Soldier, Or Even See One Out Today at a Bar or Restaraunt, Buy that Man or Woman a Drink. Cheers those who make our lives what they are today. For me to even be able to write this blog you are reading, people sacrificed everything to protect us and our nation. Never Take That For Granted!