Well, here we are. We didn't get wiped out by The Rapture that was supposed to go down on 12/21/12, and the Blog is almost a year old. For me, personally, I am sooooo glad 2012 is finishing up. I did not have a wonderful year. I left my old band, and subsequently took a break from music. In March, I had to have an emergency gallbladder removal surgery, and in the last several months, I've had to deal with a serious illness in my family. A few cool things did take place this year however. I made some new friends, started this little blog that you are reading, attended my 500th live sporting event, and re-modeled my apartment. A lot of wild and stupid shit happened too, Such as me recently cracking my front tooth outside of a bar and me almost sleeping with a chick with braces
As far as the world around us, well, there was plenty of bullshit to keep us busy. From Television and Media garbage like Honey Boo Boo, Gangnam Style and 50 Shades of Gray (Bored) to the Election (zzzzzz....) Even sports was crazy this year with the NHL Lockout, the Saints Bounty Scandal and the Replacement Refs in the NFL
Basically, 2012 was a reflective year. A year full of experiences to learn from and use to better ourselves in the future ahead.
Anyways, I want to thank every last single person who has viewed this Blog in 2012. What started as a drunken facebook rant and a nifty idea from a couple of my friends has turned into my soapbox which, based on your responses, have made you laugh, pissed you off, and most importantly, made you think for a little bit. I am happy that I can contribute to your day with the crazy thoughts in my head.
So, raise a glass of something strong and let's toast 2012 goodbye, and to an awesome 2013 ahead.
Have a Happy, Safe and Epic New Year. And like I always remind you, Keep your genitals out of harm's way.
Alex B. Smith
Courtside Seats to Hell
December 28, 2012
December 12, 2012
Grab Bag #17: Catfish, Pink Snapper, and Swordfish
It's only fitting that I fell asleep talking to a friend about Seafood, and then I wake up to this shit:
* So, MTV (The Channel Formerly Known as "Music Television") has a new reality show out called Catfish. As you know, I'm 23 going on 46 so I get lost in some of these terms. I didn't know that Catfish is a term for people who make fake profiles on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media site you prefer, and then bait people into having online relationships with them,
In Episode 1 (according to Wikipedia, there will be 12 of these. holy fuck) we have a guy from Georgia who has been talking to a girl named Abigail (Abby) from Biloxi, Miss. They have chatted on Facebook for over a year and have talked on the phone, but haven't met each other. They have had some hardcore messages like (OMG I Luv U Foreverrrrrrr!!! <3 Marry Meeee" kinda shit) But when Georgia dude wanted to meet the love of his life, she had an "Unexpected Family Emergency" come up. (Women are real good for pulling that shit.. Just saying) and so he contacted this show to finally get to meet Abby, who according to her Facebook profile, is a dainty looking slim blonde gal. Fairly easy on the eyes. They chat, he drops the deal that there's this MTV show, I wanna meet ya, blah blah blah.
So she kinda tries to duck the meeting but agrees anyway. So now Georgia dude (Jarrod is his name, just remembered that) goes to Biloxi to meet Abby. They pull up to what looks like a fucking mini barn or an old slave quarters and knock on thestable Front Door and there's no answer. Walk around to the side and there is a brunette standing outside, Not Abby. It's Melissa. The Real Person Jarrod was talking to! It's like the 1-900 Phone Sex Bait and Switch for the 21st Century! Now don't get me wrong, the fact that Melissa isn't like Abby in the photo sense but the fact that she fucking lied to him about EVERYTHING!!! And then blamed it on her self-esteem issues. Um, Lady do you realise this is fucking fraud and could have gotten you into some serious trouble. If you can't face someone then work that issue out on your time, now you dragged this guy's heart through babyshit because you can't deal with yourself? you selfish stupid bitch. And of course she keeps saying, "But I do care about him" The Fuck You Do! You were another person for a year plus and didn't once ever think this shit would hit the fan.
I have done online dating, and I am against it. I believe people should stop being such fucking introverts and go meet people when they go outside. But for Tebow's sake, You can possibly think this catfish shit will work if you try it. Just dumb. Get a life.
* Increepy Celebrity news, Anne Hathaway (drool) is in the film adaptation of Les Miserables, and at the Red Carpet Premier, not only was she wearing this hot bondage style leather wraparound kinda dress but she left the dessert tray off the pie if you know what I mean, Here's the Safe for Work version (E-mail courtsideseatstohell@gmail.com if you wanna see the other one)
That's all for now. Have a Swimmingly awesome Hump Day today!
* So, MTV (The Channel Formerly Known as "Music Television") has a new reality show out called Catfish. As you know, I'm 23 going on 46 so I get lost in some of these terms. I didn't know that Catfish is a term for people who make fake profiles on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media site you prefer, and then bait people into having online relationships with them,
In Episode 1 (according to Wikipedia, there will be 12 of these. holy fuck) we have a guy from Georgia who has been talking to a girl named Abigail (Abby) from Biloxi, Miss. They have chatted on Facebook for over a year and have talked on the phone, but haven't met each other. They have had some hardcore messages like (OMG I Luv U Foreverrrrrrr!!! <3 Marry Meeee" kinda shit) But when Georgia dude wanted to meet the love of his life, she had an "Unexpected Family Emergency" come up. (Women are real good for pulling that shit.. Just saying) and so he contacted this show to finally get to meet Abby, who according to her Facebook profile, is a dainty looking slim blonde gal. Fairly easy on the eyes. They chat, he drops the deal that there's this MTV show, I wanna meet ya, blah blah blah.
So she kinda tries to duck the meeting but agrees anyway. So now Georgia dude (Jarrod is his name, just remembered that) goes to Biloxi to meet Abby. They pull up to what looks like a fucking mini barn or an old slave quarters and knock on the
I have done online dating, and I am against it. I believe people should stop being such fucking introverts and go meet people when they go outside. But for Tebow's sake, You can possibly think this catfish shit will work if you try it. Just dumb. Get a life.
* In
To be honest, It wasn't as bad as other car shots we've seen. I could do a slideshow but most of us are reading this at work.
* I'm making Swordfish tonight, Here's the recipe I will be using for Ponzu Sauce:
1/2 cup low-sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon water
1 tablespoon sweet rice wine
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper
Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Cover and chill.
That's all for now. Have a Swimmingly awesome Hump Day today!
December 11, 2012
Why Northern Illinois Going to the Orange Bowl is Awesome
This New Year's Day, I will be proudly watching my favorite College Football team, the Northern Illinois University Huskies play Florida State on ESPN in the Orange Bowl. Just typing that sentence is crazy and awesome because of all of the things that happened to lead up to this game.
For me, this story starts in 1997. I remember being in my room, watching college football on a Saturday when my mom walked in and telling me what she thought was good news. My god-cousin, Vince Thompson, was getting a full ride to NIU. I remember feeling my face drop and if I was swearing back then, I'm sure the first words out of my mouth would have been "You gotta be fucking kidding, right?" but in '97, the first words I uttered was, "They Suck!"
Vince was a multi-sport star athlete and top student at St. Rita High School in Chicago, A Catholic League powerhouse for football (and the shithole I would end up stuck in a decade later) With his great grades and even better on-field numbers, I thought for sure he was a shoe-in to go to either Northwestern or Purdue (which made since because he was into engineering as well) or any other Big 10 or even Big East schools (When the Big East had decent football programs like Syracuse and Miami)
I found out later that he went to Northern for 2 reasons, It was a full ride and he was rejected from Northwestern and Purdue as far as athletic scholarships due to his size (As a Cornerback/Wide Reciever and Return man, he was only 5'7" and 155, very short and small for a D-Back going up against wideouts 6'2" and up)
Despite this, it was still going to be cool to finally get to go see some Division 1-A college football live. Me and my folks and my god-uncle and his wife would load our cars up with food, pop and booze and make the near 3-hour trip to DeKalb and watch the Huskies, well, Pretty much get their asses kicked every home game the first years in 98 and 99 (they were 0-11 in 1997) But this team started showing small improvements, They had some solid players such as WR P.J. Fleck (Who ended up having a cup of coffee with the 49ers for a year) and O-Lineman Ryan Diem (Who went on to be a Super Bowl Champ with the Colts) They also had a power run game led by Thomas Hammock, who would have been a serviceable back on Sundays had he not had a heart condition that ended his career. My Cousin wasn't too bad either, Leading the Mid-American Conference one season with 5 Interceptions and was mentioned as a player to watch out for in 2002 for the Nagurski Award.
The Huskies had started to win a few games here and there along the way, and once Vince graduated from NIU in '03, they had a blueprint to draw with for the future. Power running football with a solid defense that can make key stops and takeaways. They made a big jump and splash in 2003, beating Maryland at home in OT on regional TV, then beating ranked Alabama on the road (No easy task the last 20 years) and also beating Iowa State. It was weird to finally see NIU games on TV every other weekend and hear ESPN mention them in the polls and on broadcasts. They even cracked the bottom of this newfangled system they call the Bowl Championship Series for a week. Then they lost some conference games late and that was the end of it. The 2003 team went 10-2 and didn't even get invited to a bowl game. All of the hard work and dedication those men put in went for nought.
However, Under the leadership of Coach Joe Novak, this club kept winning and eventually made it into some mid-level bowl games. They were turning out some key players too such as Running Backs Garrett Wolfe and Michael Turner, both having good careers in the NFL. They hit a bump in the road and had a bad year in 2007 and Novak decided it was time for a change. He retired and the team signed long time successful coach at Southern Illinois, Jerry Kill.
J. Kill made a significant impact right off the bat in DeKalb. They made it to 3 straight bowl games and was now mentioned year after year in the Chicagoland area right along with the Northwestern's and Illinois's of the state. After dropping the 2010 MAC Title game, and 2 weeks before a bowl bid, Jerry Kill took off and left to go to Minnesota (Big mistake on his part and the Gophers part) and ended up signing coach Dave Doeren to head the team.
Doeren finally did what J.Kill couldn't and Joe Novak never could have imagined in 2 seasons. NIU finally won the MAC Championship Game last season, beating Ohio on a last second field goal. They finished 11-3 and won another bowl game. This season, with the arm and legs of QB Jordan Lynch, The Huskies, after dropping a close game against Iowa at Soldier Field, went on an absolute assault, crushing everyone the rest of their season, winning a second straight MAC Title, and because of how bad a ton of big schools were this year along with good programs facing bowl bans, The Dog finally got it's shot. Northern Illinois is about to play a meaningful New Year's Day Bowl Game versus a big conference school.
So while Kirk Herbstreit can be a conceited prick and think that this game is a "Joke" match-up, the System that he and so many of these brainless assholes in college football thinks works to pick a National Champion, is why NIU is in the Orange Bowl. But in reality, it's way more than that. It was the work of Tons of Players, Coaches and Staff from the last 15-16 seasons that made this happen. Guys who went un-noticed and never made a dent in any draft talks, Guys like Doug Free, Dan Sheldon, Vinson Renyolds, Steve Azar, Chandler Harnish, Benji Peacock, Chris Finlen, Marlon Rucker, Darrell Hill and Vince Thompson. Guys who weren't exactly Blue-Chip recruits or 1st Round Picks, but men who played their hearts out and transformed a shitty football program at a western suburban college outside of Chicago, into a school that could change the landscape of midwestern football in the 21st Century. This bowl game is for those guys who worked and bled and made strides but never made it this far. And while my God-Uncle is no longer here on earth with us, I know he'll be looking down in Miami January 1st, wearing his Huskie fleece pullover, watching what none of us ever thought would happen back in 1997.
For me, this story starts in 1997. I remember being in my room, watching college football on a Saturday when my mom walked in and telling me what she thought was good news. My god-cousin, Vince Thompson, was getting a full ride to NIU. I remember feeling my face drop and if I was swearing back then, I'm sure the first words out of my mouth would have been "You gotta be fucking kidding, right?" but in '97, the first words I uttered was, "They Suck!"
Vince was a multi-sport star athlete and top student at St. Rita High School in Chicago, A Catholic League powerhouse for football (and the shithole I would end up stuck in a decade later) With his great grades and even better on-field numbers, I thought for sure he was a shoe-in to go to either Northwestern or Purdue (which made since because he was into engineering as well) or any other Big 10 or even Big East schools (When the Big East had decent football programs like Syracuse and Miami)
I found out later that he went to Northern for 2 reasons, It was a full ride and he was rejected from Northwestern and Purdue as far as athletic scholarships due to his size (As a Cornerback/Wide Reciever and Return man, he was only 5'7" and 155, very short and small for a D-Back going up against wideouts 6'2" and up)
Despite this, it was still going to be cool to finally get to go see some Division 1-A college football live. Me and my folks and my god-uncle and his wife would load our cars up with food, pop and booze and make the near 3-hour trip to DeKalb and watch the Huskies, well, Pretty much get their asses kicked every home game the first years in 98 and 99 (they were 0-11 in 1997) But this team started showing small improvements, They had some solid players such as WR P.J. Fleck (Who ended up having a cup of coffee with the 49ers for a year) and O-Lineman Ryan Diem (Who went on to be a Super Bowl Champ with the Colts) They also had a power run game led by Thomas Hammock, who would have been a serviceable back on Sundays had he not had a heart condition that ended his career. My Cousin wasn't too bad either, Leading the Mid-American Conference one season with 5 Interceptions and was mentioned as a player to watch out for in 2002 for the Nagurski Award.
The Huskies had started to win a few games here and there along the way, and once Vince graduated from NIU in '03, they had a blueprint to draw with for the future. Power running football with a solid defense that can make key stops and takeaways. They made a big jump and splash in 2003, beating Maryland at home in OT on regional TV, then beating ranked Alabama on the road (No easy task the last 20 years) and also beating Iowa State. It was weird to finally see NIU games on TV every other weekend and hear ESPN mention them in the polls and on broadcasts. They even cracked the bottom of this newfangled system they call the Bowl Championship Series for a week. Then they lost some conference games late and that was the end of it. The 2003 team went 10-2 and didn't even get invited to a bowl game. All of the hard work and dedication those men put in went for nought.
However, Under the leadership of Coach Joe Novak, this club kept winning and eventually made it into some mid-level bowl games. They were turning out some key players too such as Running Backs Garrett Wolfe and Michael Turner, both having good careers in the NFL. They hit a bump in the road and had a bad year in 2007 and Novak decided it was time for a change. He retired and the team signed long time successful coach at Southern Illinois, Jerry Kill.
J. Kill made a significant impact right off the bat in DeKalb. They made it to 3 straight bowl games and was now mentioned year after year in the Chicagoland area right along with the Northwestern's and Illinois's of the state. After dropping the 2010 MAC Title game, and 2 weeks before a bowl bid, Jerry Kill took off and left to go to Minnesota (Big mistake on his part and the Gophers part) and ended up signing coach Dave Doeren to head the team.
Doeren finally did what J.Kill couldn't and Joe Novak never could have imagined in 2 seasons. NIU finally won the MAC Championship Game last season, beating Ohio on a last second field goal. They finished 11-3 and won another bowl game. This season, with the arm and legs of QB Jordan Lynch, The Huskies, after dropping a close game against Iowa at Soldier Field, went on an absolute assault, crushing everyone the rest of their season, winning a second straight MAC Title, and because of how bad a ton of big schools were this year along with good programs facing bowl bans, The Dog finally got it's shot. Northern Illinois is about to play a meaningful New Year's Day Bowl Game versus a big conference school.
So while Kirk Herbstreit can be a conceited prick and think that this game is a "Joke" match-up, the System that he and so many of these brainless assholes in college football thinks works to pick a National Champion, is why NIU is in the Orange Bowl. But in reality, it's way more than that. It was the work of Tons of Players, Coaches and Staff from the last 15-16 seasons that made this happen. Guys who went un-noticed and never made a dent in any draft talks, Guys like Doug Free, Dan Sheldon, Vinson Renyolds, Steve Azar, Chandler Harnish, Benji Peacock, Chris Finlen, Marlon Rucker, Darrell Hill and Vince Thompson. Guys who weren't exactly Blue-Chip recruits or 1st Round Picks, but men who played their hearts out and transformed a shitty football program at a western suburban college outside of Chicago, into a school that could change the landscape of midwestern football in the 21st Century. This bowl game is for those guys who worked and bled and made strides but never made it this far. And while my God-Uncle is no longer here on earth with us, I know he'll be looking down in Miami January 1st, wearing his Huskie fleece pullover, watching what none of us ever thought would happen back in 1997.
December 7, 2012
Grab Bag #16: Boxing, Booze and Broads. Yeah. I like that combo.
* This Saturday, Boxing Great Manny Pacquiao is facing Juan Manuel Marquez for the 4th time in their epic rivalry. This clash for modern boxing fans is our answer to the throwback slugfests of Sugar Ray Leonard vs Roberto Duran or Arturo Gatti vs Mickey Ward. This will be a fight to watch. If you aren't into boxing, you should start watching with this fight. Or check out this cool video. And this video
* Holiday time is upon us, and you're probably gonna go home to see family or invite family over. And 9.9 out of 10 families are fucking crazy, Here's something to ease the insanity (maybe)
*Rangpur Rickey
- 2 Shots Tanqueray Rangpur (Lime) Gin
- 1 ounce Lime Juice
- 1/ 2 ounce simple syrup
- dash of Soda Water
Build in a rocks glass and serve with a Lime Wedge
*Johnnie Walker Black Label Neat
- 1 1/2 shots Johnnie Walker Black Label
Pour in a glass and serve with a side glass of water
*Baileys Spiced Cake Martini
2 Shots Bailey's Hazelnut
1 shot Smirnoff Iced Cake Vodka
1 sprinkle Nutmeg
Shake and strain into martini glass, sprinkle with nutmeg
*Speaking of wonderful and tastey things, (Send the kids out of the room) I always like to recap what I've done after I get through having sex. So last week, I was with this girl, running my usual routine and I realised some more observations:
1: I get the appeal of Doggy Style, but I'm not overly crazy about it. As a larger gentleman, either I have to get into this weird Victory / Tebowing pose or I have to just push her down like a ramp and it's just not as fun as porn makes it out to be.
2. I use regular ribbed condoms, they work for their dual purposes and feel nice, But I understand flavored condoms. It's weird when you're banging and then when you switch positions, you take a small break by going back down on her and you taste straight plastic
3. Smile! and Laugh! Sex is so much fun, why would you not laugh a little bit? I know whenever I'm having a great time, I'm all smiles and giggles.
*Hey wanna get me something for X-mas? This would be awesome!
Talk to ya later, Boneless Wings conclusion coming this weekend (Get Excited!)
* Holiday time is upon us, and you're probably gonna go home to see family or invite family over. And 9.9 out of 10 families are fucking crazy, Here's something to ease the insanity (maybe)
*Rangpur Rickey
- 2 Shots Tanqueray Rangpur (Lime) Gin
- 1 ounce Lime Juice
- 1/ 2 ounce simple syrup
- dash of Soda Water
Build in a rocks glass and serve with a Lime Wedge
*Johnnie Walker Black Label Neat
- 1 1/2 shots Johnnie Walker Black Label
Pour in a glass and serve with a side glass of water
*Baileys Spiced Cake Martini
2 Shots Bailey's Hazelnut
1 shot Smirnoff Iced Cake Vodka
1 sprinkle Nutmeg
Shake and strain into martini glass, sprinkle with nutmeg
*Speaking of wonderful and tastey things, (Send the kids out of the room) I always like to recap what I've done after I get through having sex. So last week, I was with this girl, running my usual routine and I realised some more observations:
1: I get the appeal of Doggy Style, but I'm not overly crazy about it. As a larger gentleman, either I have to get into this weird Victory / Tebowing pose or I have to just push her down like a ramp and it's just not as fun as porn makes it out to be.
2. I use regular ribbed condoms, they work for their dual purposes and feel nice, But I understand flavored condoms. It's weird when you're banging and then when you switch positions, you take a small break by going back down on her and you taste straight plastic
3. Smile! and Laugh! Sex is so much fun, why would you not laugh a little bit? I know whenever I'm having a great time, I'm all smiles and giggles.
*Hey wanna get me something for X-mas? This would be awesome!
Talk to ya later, Boneless Wings conclusion coming this weekend (Get Excited!)
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