The One and Only Post I'll Ever Write About The WNBA, I Promise

Ok, so one event you didn't notice happening this week unless you are a degenerate gambler (cough, cough) or you have a family member involved is the start of the WNBA Playoffs. Now, I can't call myself a fan of this league. I was pissed at the lame name choice of the Chicago Sky, and even more upset that we ended up with Denver Nuggets colors. The lack of dunking from women taller than me is absurd. The amount of passing in a play reminds me of 4th grade "Everyone Touch The Ball" rules. This league needs fixing to become credible.

Of all the criticism these women get, the harshest (and unfortunately, the most truthful) is that most of them aren't exactly runway models in the visual department. While that is an unfair balance, considering you're seeing them in full game action (where looks mean jackshit) there actually are some good looking women in the league. Here's my list of 5 WNBA Players I'd Watch:

1. Lauren Jackson (Center - Seattle Storm)

They call her the "Thunder from Down Under", and I could go off on a tangent that would be classless even for Courtside Seats to Hell standards. But this Aussie beauty has been tearing up the court on the pro ranks since she was 16. With 2 WNBA Titles, 3 MVP Trophies and a host of records under her belt, L. J. has mad skills on the court. This is one tall glass of water I would gulp down anyday of the week (Did I mention she's 6'5")

2. Sammy Prahalis (Guard - Phoenix Mercury)

One of those random winter nights when I'm drunk at home flipping through channels at night, I remember stopping on ESPN2 and seeing this short, raven-haired chick raining 3's like it was NBA Jam Tournament Edition. Upon further review (Google search) I learned about Miss Samantha Prahalis, then Ohio State guard, who at the time was dating Buckeye Stud turned mediocre NBA body Evan Turner. Nowadays, Sammy is hooping in the Desert with the Phoenix Mercury.

3. Leilani Mitchell (Guard - New York Liberty)

OK, I'm gonna be flat out honest with you guys, I didn't learn about her until researching this topic 30 minutes before typing this, but I'm really upset that the Liberty just got swept out of the playoffs now after seeing her. This Australian-Indian-Filipino blend of beauty led the WNBA in 3-Point Percentage one season, and according to Wikipedia, "She developed a strong fan following and a reputation for fearlessness in grabbing loose balls and occasionally driving to the basket." I'd gladly take a charge in the paint from her.

4. Brittany Jackson (Guard - Atlanta Dream)

Another player I'd never heard of but will be keeping my eyes on, Miss Jackson is shooting from beyond the arc down in the ATL after playing 4 years under the Legendary Pat Summit. She also doubles time as a model. I would type more but I'm too busy browsing her photos

5. Candice Parker (Forward - Los Angeles Sparks)

Miss Parker is one of the few ladies in the WNBA to successfully complete a dunk in a game. That alone is worth watching, but she's quite the looker as well. Married to Brooklyn Net Sheldon Williams, this Chicago-Born gal grew up idolizing Ron Harper (who looked more like a WNBA player late in his career)

So there you have it, basically the Starting 5 I would run out if I had the revenue-sucking task of operating a WNBA franchise. I don't even know how in the fuck I was able to spend nearly an hour of life talking about Women's Hoops. This only solidifies the fact that I am a sports junkie and that I should look for another dayjob that takes up more time of my life.

The funniest part of it all is that this started as a Facebook post about how women look better than men in basketball jerseys, Unless said man is actually playing basketball. To see grown (and usually overweight) men wearing basketball jerseys in the stands just screams Inferiority Complex to me. I think of Steve Brady from Sex and the City, trying for hours to hit a half-court shot at a ballyard in the park while wearing a practice reversable. If you are 13 or younger, walking around with your favorite NBA or NCAA team's jersey is cool and acceptable, but once you hit high school, that better be your name and number on the back of that shit.

One more great tidbit, I know every WNBA team name, even the ones who dont exist anymore (R.I.P Charlotte Sting & Cleveland Rockers)